I'm sorry. I was play'in with you. I was educated under the towering Mandrome of Civilization and still use it satirically too. I'm not 'translating' well lately:(

Close the schools. Board up the museums.

over/under on whether she has seen someone play a guitar before

What vintage are your farts?

I am going to protest straight white male authors by simply continuing to avoid reading Infinite Jest despite the outcry of every strait white male twenty-something I know.

I want to announce publicly that in 2016 I will only read the collected works of left-handed disabled Bhutanese poets.

Oh you think WoW will be released in 2016? Hah......HA!

What if you plan to accomplish this by not reading anything this year?

The fact that he did that after another of his children was beaten to death is enough to label him a monster in my eyes.

If only Trump’s father had pulled out.

Best erotica ever read. 10/10 would masturbate to this again.

THIS PIZZA FANFIC MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE.

It’s not out yet!

It’s not out yet!

I reallllllly want Cam Newton to weigh in on this. I need the Hawt Taeks. I craaave them.

*Pictured, Martin Shkreli perp-walk.

Prince Ali
Dangerous is he
Ali Ababa.
He must be
A terrorist
Definitely!

No, no, no. No women in combat.

Here’s the thing.

You staple a marmot on top of that thing and we’ve basically got a clone.

OK, that’s it. I consider myself a generous person and since it’s the holiday season, I feel I need to give more so here it is.