Whatever happened to the Cardinals' hot shot outfield prospect, Taveras? Oh, right...

"Actually it's Heyward who is getting one hell of a deal." - Cardinals fans

"Notre Dame prepared me for this,"

You have as large, glistening ass article and you don't even post Humphries' picture?

I ain't your son, buddy!!

You are an asshat of the highest order. Something about Mary? Outside Providence?? Me, Myself and Irene???...Shit I mean, even Shallow Hal is pretty funny. Kindly fuck off.

Marijuana overdose? Haha...okay.

I would say you should never have a BAC higher than your batting average, but I firmly believe in Dan Uggla's right to have a single drink whenever he chooses.

Dirk actually learned the shakes from watching Lamar Odom at practice.

"Oh, so ESPN is ripping off Tosh with these web redemptions? That's real cute. Fuck you guys."

Can't stand that guy, but... fuck me, that segment was very funny. And true.

I genuinely feel bad for these poor rowers. It's hard enough to do without having everyone on land yelling at you to do something, usually with different people yelling different things. Oh, what's that you say, we shouldn't have gotten in the way of that other boat? Well, that's very helpful, your screaming that over…

Whole bunch of old people angry at kids in a sports competition in this video.

Are we sure this isn't a Jimmy Kimmel prank?

Only if Kobe goes to Colorado

Synopsis: Did you see the most recent episode of Game of Thrones? SO GOOD! We truly are in the golden age of television. *walks away whistling*

Anyone that doesn't like the idea of seeing the more epic recent Super Bowls we've seen with the added potential of them being played in snow must be drunk on jizz