Those damn players wanting money: http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/m…

You wait until the last week to actually be right about something?

Your agent’s friends suck.

Probably not, since they’re the same in the pictures.

Flights from Canton to Rio are cheaper than I figured.

How dirty are your balls because they seem salty from here.

A post-script that’s longer than the body? Is that a Russian thing?

What are you on about?

That depends on what your definition of “give” is.

If the management at my company went to local outlets to tell them how bad their employees are, they would be terrible managers.

Oh shit, watch out for Cam Newton. I hear he roams the country in a zorb ball.

...they chose to go to St. Louis from Chicago for a bachelor party?

Is there a freshman seminar on this shit at Baylor or is it more of a self-selecting thing?

Buy clothes at Old Navy, eat out at Chili’s, DVR The Big Bang Theory, etc.

I live in a state where weed is illegal, and my company doesn’t drug test. That’s pretty much it, isn’t it?

I’m pretty sure that the Rangers don’t owe Hamilton all that much—I think LAAA took a big chuck of the contract just to get rid of him. Fielder would look good in stripes at this point.

Probably because the flagship public university of a state isn’t going to lose its accreditation easily. Or ever, short of every college on campus doing something like this.

“Hey, Connor, that’s not cool!”

Conservative memes aren’t so much attempts at jokes as they are really short pamphlets trying to fully explain everything they believe in regarding a certain subject.

You’re telling me!