The ad parodies at the beginning of the episode that Jordan hosted were quite good. Jordan shows Julia Sweeney what to do when she has that "not so fresh feeling," and he explains that porn labeled "A Michael Jordan Selction" are guaranteed to be particularly hard core.

That should be "diffusion," not "osmosis." It's the one thing I remember from High School Biology.

"That's nothing. I was arguing with a Jewish girlfriend about a threesome she had initiated and said:"

"Given how much of a documented wuss Shavlik is, even by Duke standards (there was an article in the local paper about him when he was being recruited, and it was freely admitted that his mother STILL CUTS UP HIS STEAK FOR HIM), it's highly amusing to see him get all macho about someone else's private life."

Hilarity nearly always ensues if you add the phrase "in bed" at the end of any fortune cookie fortune.

"Is it possible that the 76ers are better without Allen Iverson?"

Virtually every racist joke here refers to Chinese people. Let us at least mock correctly—Mr. Sparkle references, etc.

"Hey, is that Jim Cunningham in the booth behind Tony?"

"Looks like the Nets have a discipline problem."

Does Riley have the type of hip injury that flares up when one's team has no chance at a title? Or is the injury perhaps the result of a voodoo doll constructed by Stan Van Gundy?

I'm shocked that Allison doesn't name Jesus as one of the most influential people in her life. I thought that was de riguer for lists like that.

Carmello after consulting with Jim Cunningham:

Ms. Shibata and Ms. Matsugane are fine, but I'm more a Yua Aida enthusiast myself. To inappropriately quote Spencer Tracy, "She doesn't have much meat on here, but what's there is cherce."

"Even Jesus would've gotten suspended for that."

I feel bad for Miller. He is a decent guy and a very good player, but he's always being moved around. Smith's claim to fame at this point is his illegal contract, so having been a #1 doesn't mean much.

I assume Goatse and Tubgirl are going to run on the Lemon Party platform?

"Sorry for cutting down on your porno mag time.

"'It's kind of like kids in a sweet shop.'

"Since when does the guy from Gummo play for The Nets?"

"you had to look up the definition of a merkin? pshhhhh."