This veteran agrees.

As a retired sailor, and on behalf of others...I apologize. It’s actually pretty damn embarrassing when idiots do stuff like this.

His whole adult life has been a staged fucking event.

that takes time, and makes for a stuck column of tanks in the meantime. If there’s one thing tanks don’t like, it’s being stopped somewhere.

Dude is 6', 300 lbs he wants something bigger than his Fusion. The ATS is tight on the inside.

You speak the truth. I don’t even find her annoying, I feel like she’s like an awesome rich aunt who is always on a nice xanax / reisling combo and can cook like a motherfucker.

Your budget is too conservative for a proper mid-life crisis, and nothing on that list would cause the requisite marital strife. That said, there’s still a way to get what you want while still going full-on Derpasaurus:

Look at John D. Rockefeller over here bragging about his bottles.

Wine comes in a bottle?

Maybe he left his wallet there.

nah

You are.

You’re gonna see this highlight a lot on Sunday Night, so you may as well get used to it starting right now

Sure! I even have a crawlspace under my house. My parents harboured draft dodgers during the Vietnam war, so I’d be carrying on a family tradition of sorts.

One of my weird secrets is I’m a watch guy. I wear a watch that’s worth about double my daily driver.

“Hi! It looks like you’re trying to run an A-2 Gap Slant? Would you like help running an A-2 Gap Slant?”

Take your star, you jerk.

Getting tackled by a girl is nothing to be ashamed of. Now getting tackled by a kicker...

I haven’t seen a female knock the hell out of someone like that since... well since last night at the debate I guess