I personally need about a year or so getting to know people before I open up about that time an interdimensional portal sucked me back to the Dark Ages where I was forced into a slapfight to the death with Vlad the Impaler while exploding skeletons reenacted Monty Python sketches around us.

"The Juggalos are marching o-"

Yeah. I do the same. If I shave completely I look like a Caucasian Shrek.

Or a human Dave Attell, if you will.

Aww. That reminds me of the first time I got hit on the head with a brick as well.

What about people who shave so they have perfect head/beard stubble synergy?

Fair enough. Didn't get that impression from your original comment.

Not sure what that has to do with my point about spite-watching. But I'm sure you'll enjoy it either way. Hope you have fun! (That isn't internet snark, by the way; I genuinely hope you enjoy it… just wanted to make that clear).

Because we all know the greatest way to watch a movie is out of spite. :P

Also, eat shit, Sandy Frank!

For the record, the owners of Chik-fil-a would be vehemently against what he did to those sandwiches.

*puts out the bag with a fire extinguisher, repackages it as Little Nicky*

I'm not a woman
I'm not a man
I am something that you'll never understand

I bet they're the same assholes who stop like four feet before the stop sign just so they can go first. Because those are the rules they just made up in their head.

Every time I look at Roger Ailes' picture, the same thought goes through my mind:

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I worked on a play with John's wife (They were engaged at the time). From the brief few encounters with him, I feel safe in saying he's genuinely the nicest fucking person I've ever met.

The most amazing part of this video is everybody is so focused on Andre and Jones that they totally don't notice Bigfoot in the background burying melted steel beams into Jimmy Hoffa's grave. Also… something something magic bullet.

"These buttery motherfuckers will melt in your mouth. Man, you ain't had no waffles…"

*immediately goes to work on his Jurassic Park/Fuck You dubmash or whatever those things are called*