i spent 10 hours powder coating stupid tubes....lol...and i bought a hobo half a kg of rotisserie piri piri chicken... i had a full day me thinks

If only there was a law that required men to obtain a woman’s permission before intercourse...

What would happen if the pregnant person said, “I have no idea what the guy’s name was. I had never seen him before or since that night.”

I say we help with cards that could be sent to one’s rapist as one gets an abortion. Choose from some of these:

If men got pregnant they’d be doing abortions at Home Depot.

Police: “Freeze!”

Well, since Black Twitter already dragged her I have another question. Why the hell is Miss South Africa white?

Without killing anyone, how do I do my job terribly enough that people will pay me 50,000 to leave?

One of my fave uncles has apparently become alt-right, listens to Cernovich and everything. It’s such a bummer. My dad just quit the republican party this year over Trump and starts getting all woke all the sudden and his brother, a genuinely nice guy, heads around the bend...it’s weird. I feel like I just…

Staff the entire emergency room with black doctors and nurses, then if some asshole demands he get a white doctor, they can go ahead and die.

That’s really not fair the the Fyre festival. Compared to the radioactive corium tire fire that is the Trump administration, the Fyre festival is a well oiled efficient machine. President Ja Rule would still be a buffoon making the US the laughing stock of the world, but at least he wouldn’t blather out confidential…

Oh, boy, the Fyre Festival of urban housing.

They have to tell him he’s handsome and a good boy and affectionately ruffle his hair and diaper his enormous behind and generally give him the love mommy and daddy didn’t otherwise...

Lol right?? I’ve done a lot of drunk questioning in my day so I should know. This had a notable lack of “you know who you look like?” & “anybody have a cigarette?”

Retire, old man, you’re fucking useless. You can cluck your dessicated tongue and wag your bony finger at Trump’s antics all you want, but you don’t actually do a goddamn thing about it.

Yeah, his speaking style wouldn’t be out of place at the local RenFair.

Yeah, like I would never give up a Sunday evening to beat the shit out of a fellow human for being gay. But then again, I am also not part of a crazy cult, unless you count the occasional soul cycle class.

Aren’t there other ways you would rather spend Sunday night than exorcising demons out of a fellow congregant? I suggest long walks on a beach, followed by a good book and a long night’s sleep.

As a parent, I can confirm that I know next to nothing about most things. That’s why science and experts and doctors are super great. Because I am a relatively smart human being, but I do not have a degree in being the guardian of small humans. And I don’t have the mothering instincts that some women do. I…

I live out in Vegas. The land of Daddy issues and probably the highest amount of graveyard shifts.