no my dear, sorry, we only care about how to stay skinny and how to get a dick.

Cosmo was in a perfect position to do this. Everyone, including Ivanka, thinks they’re a dumb ladymag full of nothing but penis touching tips and other questionable advice, but their political reporting is actually pretty damn good.

“Oh no, someone somewhere is getting something I don’t need!”

Right, its the fault of the police that his parents are gigantic pieces of shit.

We’ve all got our own banhammer stories. Mine has to do with Rich Juzwiak banning me from Gawker after I reminded him Iggy Azalea is actually a piece of shit in the comments of his article praising her. After a snippy back and forth, I requested that he stop writing about black issues if he’s going to defend a woman…

Sam Bee is not obligated to support your quixotic dream of remaking our democracy at the expense of our actual democracy.

The problem with this, aside from the fact that it’s insane, is that almost anyone would be preferable to Trump? What’s that you say? Clinton is actually just a walking, talking tower of gerbils? Well, they’re less racist and less likely to start a nuclear war than the other guy, so whatever.

Omg me too! I thought I was gonna have to make my “I will punch every millenial I see if Trump wins” speech.

Hey, now! That’s unfair to Iron Bru!

Yeah, but I kind of have to give him points here. Saying it’ll be rigged beforehand, then doing badly, then being able to say “I told you so” is something that will go over well with his rabid fanbase. Because then he’ll have just been right the whole time, with something to blame his poor performance on other than…

He prefers malleable like Play-Doh. He’s also toxic if eaten.

I thought Lauer looked great

So I think we should have a debate with no moderator.

Another slap in the face to professionals who dedicate their entire careers to providing, as much as they can, unbiased reporting and fair practices. Who hasn’t he insulted at this point? My unborn child?

A tiny, cynical part of my soul imagines that this will somehow be spun into a book followed by a movie, but even if it is, I’m good with it.

Lynching had more to do with race than with “protecting women”—look at anti-trans bathroom laws, for example. The same people crowing about how they want to “save women and children” don’t seem to give any shits about sexual assault victims. It’s about bullying in (white) women’s names, not about “protecting” women.

Make America Vape Again Also

called herself “the most hated person in the world.”