When I heard Priyanka, I thought Leonard's Indian ex-girlfriend from The Big Bang Theory, who wasn't bad. Then I saw Priyanka before the Browns-Bills game last weekend...whoa.

Emmitt Smith needs to be eaten by Rolf the Nazi Shark. And soon.

Joe Haden apparently took too much Ritalin.

This is where Deadspin is at its finest. Well-written, informative articles you won't read anywhere else because of, say, the ESPN-NFL connection (although you think the NFL would be shouting this from the rooftops). Or because MLB wants to protect its biggest assets/stars not named A-Rod.

Grantland's pretty much the anti-Deadspin now, isn't it?

You could use the same argument for my generation and the Atlanta Braves due to Ted Turner and (W)TBS back in the 80s. The Braves were dreadful in the mid-and late-80s before suddenly getting good in 1991 and staying good pretty much ever since.

And everyone hates Duke. Even I hate Duke.

The Cardinals are a giant sucking red hole of good old-fashioned Midwestern piousness, with a fanbase that does "classy" things specifically so that it can humblebrag about doing classy things.

I could write a very long diatribe about the increasing costs of football stadiums. At least with baseball stadiums, they are in use 81 times per year.

Sports-team wise, Detroit couldn't have better owners. Except for the Fords, of course.

Canada would love this.

In Gawker Media's mind, yes. And you deserve to be tarred and feathered for it, because you, sir, are worse than Hitler.

And it's very bad to steal his rum. It's very bad.

I blame her for the publicity. What went on in her marriage is none of my business. And by the way, I agree — her ex was a creep.

I agree that the University of Texas is historically racist. But times have changed. Have you been to Austin in the last, oh, forty years or so?

That's right. I had forgotten.

The first time I ever saw Barack Obama was on the Today Show regarding the possibility of Ditka getting into the 2004 Senate race. Obama was rather condescending about it. I don't remember exactly what he said, but it was basically telling Ditka to stick to football and stay out of politics.

Since Ernie Davis died of cancer before playing a single game, most old-timer Browns fans have rued the trade. With Bobby Mitchell, the Browns probably win at least one more title in the 60s, especially with Jim Brown in the same backfield.

Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.

And if it's anything like the Ryugyong Hotel in Pyongyang, it will be half finished and sit idle for 15 years because the government ran out of money. Apparently, North Koreans couldn't even LOOK at the Ryugyong when it was an eyesore. The hotel disappeared from all official documents and propaganda. Construction…