Lawyer: We’re going to get to the bottom of this.

God, I couldn’t imagine how embarrassing that must have been. I mean, being identified as, “RealMarlinsFan”? Just kill me.

I feel bad; the whole thing must really stink for him.

I mean, isn’t it standard operating procedure in divorce cases for the child to be punished?

He went into a custody battle WITHOUT A LAWYER?

One of the best U.S. goals I can remember. Three players involved, about six great tactical decisions made.

I dunno, I think green and gold are more of a spring look

Picture what you think Ted Diadiun looks like in your mind.

What, you don’t think “accuse ‘alleged victims’ of a man already convicted of dozens of counts of child rape of being dirty rotten liars” was Lesson One in PR 101?

Finely crafted human skin suits are actually very comfortable. Human leather (we call it Heather), has the perfect amount of stretch and breathability. Talented Heather artisans can really work wonders with the luxurious fabric. I don’t know where Ted Cruz got that mask, though. It’s a disgrace.

Just imagine how good he’s going to feel when he finally takes that human-skin suit off and lets his dorsal venom sac breathe.

“Report: A Body Has Been Found at Apple Headquarters”

Best Klans In Baseball!

Let’s cut the guy some slack on his day off. It’s not easy being a St. Louis policeman.

there are situations, inside that situation, where it has nothing to do with the situation

The biggest balls of the night belong to whomever hit the button to drop that confetti.

Wasn’t 1 painful shot at the horn enough for that guy?

The best part of Oklahoma getting blown out is we heard Boomer Sooner fewer times than in any televised Oklahoma sporting event in history

Oh yeah, well life goes on
Long after the kid
you killed is gone.

a Pennsylvania-based photographer who specializes in photoshopped portraits with deceased family members.