Sounds like every text exchange that gets some underage girl to run away with a 40 year old. What an asshole.

Because brewing with hot water brings more acids and a different concentration of essential oils that aren’t readily accessible by the human palate when hot. But when it gets cold, you can taste the bitter, gross flavors and then want to kill yourself. So just brew it cold, ya dig???

Why your league sucks: The NFL.

On Roids? I think you mean meth, coke, beer and 12 pounds of Abuelita’s tamales.

West Coast sports fans- they couldn’t tell you the first name of the outside linebacker but they’ll put you in the hospital in the name of team loyalty just the same...

I can’t believe these weren’t white people.

Paplebon as Trump fan is as surprising as . . . . nothing. It’s not surprising at all. I literally cannot think of anything obvious and dumb enough as a placeholder here. Paplebon as Trump fan is literally the most expected and yeah-of-course-he-is thing ever. Congrats, dick. You found the yin to your yin.

“Now, as you see here on page 17, if a player thinks about saying the word ‘weed,’ he must instantly lick Commissioner Goodell’s taint and beg for a 8 game suspension.”

This big ol’ country was built on sweat

It stopped?

Who would have guessed that he was a dick?

Because as ridiculous as the NFL is, the IOC is the most corrupt sports organization in the world. They make the NFL look like the Boy Scouts.

IOC spokesman (pictured); ‘ didn’t happen, everything’s fine.’

Only a fool fucks with Phelps when he’s in compete mode.

And fuck all this nonsense about him partying when he’s not swimming. That man has spent more time honing himself into the perfect swimmer than any of us have spent doing anything (including jerking off). He ought to have a life permit to party the fuck down…

That’s called “water polo”

Using Trump tweets as a style guide- sad!

I think we all knew about the latter, but probably not the former. Thanks, though...

“She came to the London Olympics when she was fifteen years old. She left an Olympic champion. As she arrives in Rio, Katie Ledecky is considered one of the most dominant swimmers in the world.”

You really think Biles is a safer bet than Carmelo and Company? One mis-step could drop Biles out of gold contention. And Team USA has, like, the 12 best basketball players in the tournament.

"I hate the guy. He thought he was God."