My husband’s octogenarian aunt and her friend had to go to the ER from stealing his teen cousin’s pot brownies. My sister was the attending nurse. She kept having to go around the corner to laugh. They were fuckin’ trippin’, HARD. They couldn’t stop laughing, but also decided they were both having heart attacks? I…

For the metrically challenged among us, she was lifting over 350 lbs. I sometimes struggle to carry all my groceries upstairs in one trip.

Yeah, I remember reading something like that, too. I’m not sure which GF it was, but it’s also insane that he has had MULTIPLE GFS since murdering Trayvon.

Nope! A male judge probably would have found her in contempt for not wearing pants and punished her.

I want Michelle to hold a press conference and call Melania’s dumb ass out on TV. I want Michelle to demand an apology and call her “Crooked Melania” and discuss how much she lies. AND, I want her to do it in a sleeveless outfit to show off her awesome arms! Of course Michelle won’t because she is more classy and less…

But that’s how you remember which charm/towel belongs to who! Was I the hotdog? Oh no, Timmy’s got the hotdog, I can still see the mark, I must have been the clam. (jk, in whatever alternate reality I own these, I would always be the clam)

This list made me realize how uncreative my family is. All the weddings for the last 15 years....they’re all here.

DID YOU ASK HER IF KIDNEY TRANSPLANTS FALL OUT AFTER THREE WEEKS?

Like this?

I’ve thought about this and realized that it can be both. I believe he thinks his daughter is an exceptional woman (and not just the whole “if she wasn’t my daughter I’d...” bit of effluvia). I believe he encouraged her. Because she’s his. And that alone makes her exceptional by virtue of those yugely great genes. But…

i also hate them. i like to use the return key like punctuation and the DOUBLE SPACES do not make me feel good

This girl can fuck right off. I had an ex tell me to kill myself when I was struggling. This shit is unacceptable.

I feel like clarifying that it was the MOTHER as opposed to a STRANGER who killed the children takes it to a new level of awful and is absolutely pertinent to the story.

Five kids under seven? Am I te only one reminded of Andrea Yates?

Exactly. I like to put on Forensic Files on Sunday afternoons, watch about an episode and a half, and then fall into a wonderful couch-drooling-coma-nap. It will be so sweet when I’m no longer awoken by the shrill harpy wails of Nancy Grace.

“... dumb choreographed videos, OK Go. It’s old. It’s masturbatory. You’re hurting yourselves and the people closest to you... “

I lived a half hour from this border until I turned 15. I guarantee you there are some die hard Muslims who will fast no matter what. My 90 year old, diabetic grandmother insists on fasting to her own detriment, despite pleading from all her relatives to just fucking eat something. So I do know whereof I speak.

Everything you’ve said is true, except that I can guarantee no one there is following Ramadan. Even if it wasn’t explicitly said that you’re not supposed to fast if it’s going to hurt you, these refugees ver much meet the definition of “traveling,” and you don’t fast while you’re traveling.

I somehow missed that when I was in Chicago. I was very excited, however, to get a picture of the Buckingham Fountain to send to my “Married With Children” fan dad.

Not to hate on them, but: