I am her ex boss, and our town is tiny. Otherwise this would be my go-to excuse for anything. It is unanswerable.
MizzuzWhitworth
buckinggrimace
this is one I actually used. I was five years old, playing with my cousins at my Babcia's house. She was making dinner and was a terrible cook. When she called us in for dinner, I told her I couldn't eat because I was sick. She asked what was wrong, and I told her it was prostate cancer.
My brother and his (then) wife were already in town for our wedding. They were staying in the same hotel as my parents and my sister and all the other wedding guests. Come the wedding, though, they were a no-show and had checked out of the hotel. Asked for an explanation, he said "I forgot where the wedding was taking…
we had temp tattoos as wedding favors too! still have a bunch leftover and we're gonna use them for a photo shoot with the kiddos.
My Bowie-obsessed husband might want in on your marriage, if that's ok.
Is Cheetah his given name? It seems is you name your child Cheetah it like a 98% chance he'll turn out to be a something like a man bun wearing acrobat who believes that his happiness is worth other peoples money, but then again if he named himself Cheetah than what can I say, I once dated a guy who called himself…
"No, ma'am, actually the sun is going to remain in its place as it has for millions of years. The Earth, however, will continue spinning and proceeding on its orbit as planned; would you like me to ask a manager to pull the emergency brake?"
Will there be 38 divorces in 38 countries?
We are to sleep naked, wrapped only in a thin sheet and our shame.
The asshole is implied ;)
My anti-choice mother, when I told her I would be getting a Mirena IUD: "It doesn't stop eggs from being fertilized; it just stops them from implanting!" *wrings hands* Me: "I sure as hell hope so!" I don't owe anything to any goddamn egg.
Here's the proud papa
as a too-old-to-throw-tantrums child, 8 or 9, after a day hiking, Dad would not let me bring my walking stick home in the car. My filthy, rotting, branch I'd been using as a walking stick. Complete meltdown, screaming sobbing in the mud;
Tho I only have one so far (waiting for them to do more colors than black/almost-black/dark green/grey), I freaking *LOVE* Marrakech. I'm pretty short and the kinda-cropped jacket I have from them is excellent — nicely fitted, a little longer in front, STRETCHY. STRETCHY TWILL JACKETS WITH COOL SEAMING THAT'RE…
I love moto jackets with all my heart and soul. The problem is, I'm tiny. So the only ones that fit me are the ones that are supposed to be shrunken or cropped. If anyone reading this knows of any shrunken or cropped moto jackets, please point me in that direction.
"The child made no acknowledgement of her father's sad words. She had never acknowledged anything, nor had she eaten or breathed unassisted. She was alive and nothing more, which was good enough for the politicians that forced her into existence."
"Also, you have no idea what I'm saying because you were born profoundly deformed and died with minutes."
"Hey sweet child, I just wanted to tell you the story of your mother. She was a beautiful, brave woman, and she died just for you. Those nice people kept her body alive for months just so you could be born! Even though she was already dead! Isn't that a wonderful story? Did I mention you don't have a mother because…
I just listened to a grand jury report on sex abuse in the Philadelphia archdiocese, and what you often saw there is families trying in good faith to go through the church first, getting promises from church leaders that, yes, they'd make sure the offender wasn't around kids any more. Of course, none of these…