While it was happening, it didn't seem sweet, ya know? I had driven home and was trying to hold it all together. It wasn't until I walked in the door and he asked how it went. And then I started sobbing. And it was just this surreal moment of all of this mess to process. Then him asking me to marry me...like out of…

My husband is rolling his eyes at me. "Gee thanks! You made me sound like a moron."

I don't know. I think it's kind of a asshole move. Like, 'I kinda know you might say no so I'm going to make it as public as possible to force you to say yes'. Fuck that.

I used to work for Kelly in the '90s. She absolutely 100% tried to make a name for herself as a "rapper." She had this spoken-word bullshit she would try to pass off as music. When that Lullaby song from Shawn Mullins (guess how much Googling I had to do to find that!) came out she accused him of biting her rhyme to…

"Kanye's really arrogant. Anna Wintour, myself, Gisele Bündchen...."

On the farm, we would say teets. Or in this case, threets.

"You get blackballed." "She gets blackballed." "EVERYONE GETS BLACKBALLED!!"

shoulda got one on her back for slow dances.

Filed to: BREAST INTENTIONS

That is the greatest headline of all time, Madeleine.

My husband died. I moved on eventually. Some British nobleman tried wooing me. I fell for him. We boned in a Liverpool hotel. He asked me to marry him. I said no, and then cut my hair short.

I thought about changing a couple of the details to [possibly] keep my anonymity on here, but fuck it. If this person reads this, hi there old friend!

This commodification of children has continued all the way up to Mama June and Kris Jenner.

This is some brave shit.

Except so much of the abuse endured from a narcissist is that your voice is stomped out. You are silenced repeatedly, because their word is always the most important. It is healing and therapeutic to reclaim your voice, and at first, it can be raw and abrasive. Because of course it is— they haven't had the privilege…

Am I going to have to be the asshole that makes the 'Air Force Un' joke?!?

Yup, that's what bodies do after you've had two babies and lived for 40+ years. The fucked-up part is that airbrushing is so routine that we don' t know what mature women are supposed to look like.

My mom still thinks the tramp stamp I got 17 years ago is henna that I keep getting redone. You believe what you want to believe.

When I was 14 or 15, I participated in a summer live-in college prep program at the local university. There were, IIRC, 125 other high-school kids, along with a dozen or so staff and instructors. At the beginning of the program, they distributed a whole lot of paperwork that most people never read, including a list of…

Oh honey - I am SO sorry for your burden. I had to tell my father to get in the car NOW and come see his mother because his sister, my aunt, lied about her condition and I knew she was dying. She died as he got to the hospital - literally as he stepped off the elevator on her floor she coded. If Aunt hadn't delayed…