Nailed it.

Pictured: Magnifying glass and ants.

“I think Bigfoot is blurry, that’s the problem. It’s not the photographer’s fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that’s extra scary to me. There’s a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Run, he’s fuzzy, get out of here!” - Mitch Hedberg

I’m going to go the unconventional route and blame their complete lockdown of replays and clips. I can’t engage with the olympics unless I use an approved NBC option. Can’t get hype when there is only one place hyping it up.

Univision undoubtedly purchased Gawker Media just to keep this visionary series going and we should all be grateful to the company for doing so.

Gotta save money, gotta cut taxes. Isn’t that the most important thing in the world?

They want the same broadcasters Sunday and Thursday? For football, that’s never been a thing. Each game each week has its own team. Because they do not walk off the street 5 minutes before kickoff, and just go. They meet with teams, study film, etc... That way, they have things to talk about during the broadcast.…

If you let a rule change stay for a while it just results in adaptation which may very well make the league better. When the NBA banned hand checking it directly resulted in a shift to a more fast-paced, guard-oriented league that has given us the likes of Stephen Curry and Russell Westbrook and phased out plodding…

I believe it’s called WaterSports. Google it if you don’t believe me.

You would think this national embarrassment would lead to no one ever hiring a Brazilian pool boy again, but my stay at home wife STILL thinks Gabriel is just irreplaceable. sheesh.

The Crocodile Dundee movies suggest that Australians can survive New York and Los Angeles. But I bet no movies would've been made had they tried to send Dundee to Tampa and its collection of Florida People.

Berkshire hunts, the lot.

“Whenever I go to shave, I assume there’s someone else on the planet shaving, so I say, ‘I’m gonna go shave, too.’” - Mitch Hedberg

Are there really 6 officers just hanging around on a subway platform? How long had they been watching her? Were they following her and gathering more cops? If they believed she had a bomb, why was she allowed on the train? There is so much wrong with this story. I am glad she is suing. There was no need for them to do…

Quick! Stop that suicide bomber before she smuggles the bomb out of the crowded place packed with people we think she’s planning to blow herself up in! She’s almost left the station!

Sorry that you don’t enjoy fun and that you have a very thin skin when it comes to your alma mater being bad at football.

“I’d like to see a forklift lift a crate of forks... it’d be so d**n literal! You are using that machine for its exact purpose!” - Mitch Hedberg

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Brown people are so scary because they aren’t white!