“If you’re watchin’ a parade, make sure you stand in one spot, don’t follow it, it never changes. And if the parade is boring, run in the opposite direction, you will fast-forward the parade.” - Mitch Hedberg
pcrbbbnyc
buckbbuck1
It’s just a shame the Yanks didn’t let him go out the way he wanted: through Jeter’s wardrobe.
Glue factory would have been better IMO.
Oh....snap!?
“I had a parrot. The parrot talked, but it did not say ‘I’m hungry,’ so it died.” - Mitch Hedberg
“I bought a seven dollar pen because I’m always losing pens and I’m sick of not caring.” - Mitch Hedberg
Tre Mason: Man, fuck you guys. Not only am I not holding out, I was actually the first person to show up in St. Louis for training camp this year.
“I don’t own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone wants to get a hold of me, they just say ‘Mitch,’ and I say ‘What?’ And then I turn my head slightly.” - Mitch Hedberg
I like it... But seeing “Cardinals” in front of all the crappy stats makes it so much better.
Come for the Schadenfreude, stay for the Hedberg.
“I was walking by a dry cleaner at 3 a.m., and it said, ‘Sorry, we’re closed.’ You don’t have to be sorry. It’s 3 a.m., and you’re a dry cleaner. It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open. I’m not gonna walk by at 10 a.m. and say ‘Hey, I walked by at 3, you guys were closed. Someone owes me an apology.…
If Derek Jeter played anywhere other than New York at any time other than during the resurgence of the Yankees, he’d be a borderline Hall of Famer at best. He’d have been moved to left field midway through his career, which would have been shorter due to him not being that good, and getting to 3,000 hits would have…
Kevin Durant is a sneaky-bad teammate and the Warriors will implode this year due to terrible team chemistry.
These are supposed to be a list of hot takes. Not facts.
The only reason Les Miles still holds a coaching job at LSU has been from insane, golden-horseshoe-up-the-ass lucky plays. Transplant him to any other college football roster without the talent he’s received at LSU and he will look like a mediocre lunatic.
Derek Jeter was an average player no one would care about if he played for basically any other franchise.
“big time free agents would LOVE to play in Madison Square Garden” is the best take of all
I believe Craig James killed five hookers while at SMU.....
I believe that Russell Westbrook is a better and more exciting player than Steph Curry.