“and hey, whatever happened to that protomolecule sample?”

Anything from Lexus is a good choice, compared to the bankruptcy-inducing choices in the article. Make friends with someone who does estate sales.  Geriatrics love Lexuses.     

This is the right answer.

It’s aged super well. When I got to drive one I thought I’d hate it. I actually loved it.

He said he could be swayed by a turbo V6, so this should be on his radar.

THIS !

Old Crown Vic or Caprice with straight pipes and at this price you could throw a super or a couple turbos on it to keep it similar to the WRX. 

Yeah this recommendation is underrated, actually. Reliable, luxurious, fast-enough. Pricey though. Maybe a 2015 Hyundai Genesis 5.0, though the gas-mileage on those is pretty harsh.

The GTO is nice, but the Pontiac G8 GXP was SOOOO much cooler and better looking IMHO, especially if you can find a manual. Also, he did say “4 doors preferred”.

He should at least consider this.

Forgive me, but it has to be said: 1st generation V8 Panameras are available at this price point now. I say this as someone who has only very recently stopped hating these cars with all of the passion in my heart.

I’d try to find a Lexus IS-F. High revving NA V8 goodness.

I love the CTS-V recc. What a fantastic car, and very unique.

I once bought a brand new Jeep Patriot.

Your arguments are SO disingenuous.

What do you say to a person who doesn’t realize by the time they’re an adult that this kind of slippery slope bullshit is utter fallacy?

remove all personality from a car

Subjectivity... 

Most cars are more reliable than people say. One person has a bad experience, repeats it to someone else, that second person picks it up as a lazy joke, repeats it ad nauseam on a motoring site [in times past, in the letters page of a magazine] a comic stuck for a joke picks it up [and exaggerates it] and says it on…

You’ll die before the engine does.  They turbocharge these things to hell and back, and they just take it.