I have personally gone to strip clubs with my husband, because we like the atmosphere.

I think he used pretty much every excuse in the rapist handbook. "The women are lying, they came onto me! They're just poor and are smearing my reputation for a payday! My wife is hot and those bitches are ugly! I'm the real victim here!!!"

This is quite an impressive streak of not playing professional soccer.

Yeah, the way this guy explains everything away is just hilarious.

As an indoor soccer player, he should know better than anyone — you can't just kick a problem away because it just bounces right back at you.

"Why would I cheat with a Chili's waitress? Have you seen my wife? She's a Swedish Bikini model."
- Tiger Woods

If Halle Berry's husband can cheat on her, then anything is possible. The guy is a douche with little creepy eyes.

Last time I heard "I'm as pure as pure can be", the motherfucker sold me an eighth of talcum powder.

"I did not ask that girl out on a date," he told me. "I was 22 or 23 years old at the time, and I knew she was friends with a couple of the players on my team, so I invited her to a team function. We were going to have dinner and watch Scream at my house, and then go water skiing at the lake that Saturday.

Finally, after reading the message one more time, Gurson remembered.

He's just citing the well-known fact that one attractive woman is all any man would ever want.

For my bachelor party my D&D buddies found three really attractive college women who played D&D and paid them a bunch to just sit around drinking beer and playing D&D with us all night. It was really awesome to be honest. Nothing weird (other than grown-ups playing D&D) happened. But man it was so much fun.

Dis anyone remember the CSI episode of this? They blindfolded the guy and put him in a plane and told him they were throwing him out without a parachute. They plane was actually on the ground the entire time but the guy they were pranking didn't know that and had a heart attack. These pranks are much better.

TL;DR. Just responding to the headline here.

Ben Roethlisberger, Jameis Winston, serial dick-pic-er Bret Favre.....

Nope! He's saying "you, MOM" as in, calling his ex (I presume) by the name their son calls her. So he's saying "Including you MOM (their kid's mom) fucked whoever you wanted behind Dad's (referring to himself) back!!!"

This guy's a real prince.

I can't understand why inviting a 17 year old to events involving screaming or watersports raised red flags.

You['re] all a FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT that think that by keeping my SON away from his father will make me CHANGE!!! Well wrong FUCKING MOVE all you FUCKS!!!! and WHORES!!!! And Pieces of SHIT!!!!!!! Including you MOM that have been FUCKING WHOEVER you WANT behind Dads Back!!!!! FUCK all of you that think I am unstable…