things they apparently don’t need: access to healthcare, treatment for std’s, reproductive education, cancer screening, contraceptives, advocates and allies.

it’s like “Idiocracy”.

no one in their right mind would ever fuck them?

“For a Giants defense that was without Jason Pierre-Paul ... it was all hands on deck.”

This should really set the standard for any more boat takes this season. Any article should contain a minimum of five puns about boats, sailing, etc.

He was probably just trying to attend to an injured customer.

KC was just a patsy.

It’s about them bitching about a new stadium when A’s fans would kill for what they have.

Who would’ve thought the Diamondbacks could be so cold-blooded.

The Diamondbacks and the county have been arguing for almost a year over who is on the hook for the $187 million that the building needs for repairs

This is just like when my wife says we need a new dryer, and I think when ours is fine for the time being. And I always know deep down that I’m gonna lose that fight and have to raise $640 million in bonds for a new dryer. Sheesh!

Someday, after I become ridiculously wealthy and successful, I will throw a fabulous annual holiday party called Fifth Christmas and only children whose parents are divorced will be allowed to come. And we will drink and be merry and bitch about our parents.

Hahahahaha — *sobs*

Yeah, but you don’t understand, she has A VAGINA.

B-but emails! And Benghazi, wherever the fuck that is! And pedophile pizza! And I just can’t put my finger on why I don’t like her!

I’ve been trying, too. I even told him that making threats of nuclear war won’t make up for his small penis.

My New Years resolution is to have Trump block me on Twitter.

This thin-skinned asshole blocked me on Twitter (for real) on Twitter two and a half years ago. How will I know if important developments in national and international policy happen?

This is what Donald Trump says every time he looks at his polling numbers among African-Americans.

No idea how he got a hold of Louisiana Senate candidate David Duke’s speech.