One soft infested summer me and romanes eunt domus became friends
Tryin' in vain to read the comments we were tagged in

I always done an honest job as honest as I could
I got three terrible prequels, and the prequels ain't no good

Said, "Here's to the best gimmick you ever read."
We laughed and made a toast.
It wasn't the best I ever read,
Not even close.

Well the commenters down there are either making Simpsons references or hooked up in a scuffle
Dressed in stained sweatsuits with atrophying muscles
They're doin' the TI Shuffle

Now you'll be hangin' tight when we hit the top
And that rollercoaster's ready to drop
And your braggin', how you wasn't even scared
Well baby you know I just love the sound
Of the strange local people I'll observe with deprecating wit while eating fried food
Baby, down at the county fair

Now everybody's got a secret, son,
A TI that they just can't face
Some folks they spend their weeks trying to keep it
They carry it with 'em every comment that they make.

I know a pretty little place in Southern California down the LA punk scene way
There's a little café where they play guitars all night and day
You can hear 'em in the New Wave Theatre strumming

Because the record company, Rosie!
Failed to give me a big advance as a result of exploitative licensing arrangements for streaming!

Now the walruses slap their fins or get busted for
trying to sleep on the beach all night
Them boys with their spiked white tusks, aw Sandy their skins are so wrinkly