I’ve been living with my boyfriend since February and I’ve been a full-time grad student in an intensive accelerated program since May. Boyfriend works a 9-5. I don’t know if it’s because I’m home most days (I’m in class twice a week and have a three-day-a-week internship in which I work remotely) or because he’s a…

I feel like the only good thing that can be said about this twatwaffle is that he’s not in blackface.

I’ve only ever had one dine and dash, and it was so bizarre that I never once believed it was intentional. I was working at a comedy club and a couple ordered some food but left before it came out. No one saw them leave and they had left their jackets at the table. Since they had paid for tickets to see whoever the…

THE WITCH FROM INTO THE WOODS IS NOT A DISNEY CHARACTER. I DENY THE EXISTENCE OF THE MOVIE. I HAVE STRONG FEELINGS ABOUT THIS.

So a while ago I inadvertently got into a relationship with a child rapist, and it lasted about 5 months before I found out what he had done. You can bet I googled the fuck out of everyone I even considered dating after that.

Oh yeah, I’m familiar with the type. Unfortunately they tend to overrun area nonprofits.

I love my IUD with all my heart and I would hug it if I could. The best part is that I am indigent and uninsured and was afraid I couldn’t get it because of the cost. But the nurse at the gyno clinic found a way to qualify me for a grant and it cost me exactly zero dollars. Best doctors appointment EVER.

I have already…

I promise you, Richmond isn’t the miserable backwater hellhole most people think it is. It took me the better part of nine years to realize this.

This, combined with that wealth psychology bullshit, is proof that fools don’t deserve their money.

My oldest sister kept our Persian last name as her middle name (none of us were given middle names at birth) and took her husband’s Scottish last name, so she’s Sister Persian Scottish. My middle sister dropped our last name altogether and took her husband’s Irish name, so she’s Sister Irish. My boo’s last name is…

This reminds me of a thing I saw once at a friend’s house. The friend was renting a room from a suuuuper creepy slumlord who kept an office in the living room (although I don’t think he actually lived in the house). Above his desk he had a framed poem by his high-school-age daughter, who praised her father for being…

So last night me and the dude were watching Back to the Future Parts II and III, and every time Doc said “Great Scott!”, I yelled SUCK MY COCK at the top of my lungs. It’s like a reflex now.

And that’s how I learned that my dearheart, my sweetest, my sun and stars, has never seen Rocky Horror. I don’t even know who he…

DO NOT TELL ANYONE YOU’RE A VIRGIN. IT WILL GO BADLY FOR YOU.

I haven’t waited tables in close to a year and last night I had a nightmare about the table from hell last Christmas who refused to tip on an $80 tab, which meant I couldn’t buy groceries that week.

This is completely awesome. I really hope that people from agencies serving the homeless population were also there to help hook some folks up with ongoing services.

I knew my irrational hatred of Orlando Bloom would come in handy some day.

I’m a UC Santa Cruz alum, and unless the campus culture has changed dramatically, “You do you” is the order of the day. This would include taking a baby to class if that’s what the parent needs to do. Short of a chemistry or physics lab where actual harm could occur, I don’t see the harm.

This past Saturday one of my sisters went into preterm labor and my niece was born at 32 weeks gestational age (so right around the same GA as this baby). She’s going to be in the NICU for a month and by all appearances she’s doing extraordinarily well for a preemie. I can’t imagine anyone with an ounce of rational…

I’ve had wrist surgery twice in the last couple years and got a lot of weird looks during the recovery when I had huge bandages over the wound. I’m sure more than one person assumed I had a suicide attempt. I was fond of responding to those looks with a dead-eye stare and if they dared ask questions I would just say…

Boyfriendo keeps trying to convince me Monday is an unofficial Italian-American heritage day. He is wrong.