Do you take commissions? I'd like a pillow please.

Don't know about Washington, but in Virginia you can be fired at any time for any reason and generally you have almost no recourse. It's pretty awesome, if you're the kind of person who enjoys firing employees for no reason.

Friend of mine got married last summer and her bachelorette* party was eating Oreos with her maid of honor. Sounds good to me.

No kidding. When I was dating I'd usually start off my dating profiles by talking about my work a little. I have a pretty awesome job, if you're into saving the world. Didn't get me many dates, but y'know. Separates the wheat from the chaff.

"Ok, give me your elevator pitch."

41. Purse

I saw an episode last week. Don't judge me too hard. We have two TVs but only one antenna and my roommate hasn't yet figured out he can take the antenna up to his TV any damn time he wants. Anyway. What struck me the most was how everything everyone said was not just written by someone else, but written by someone…

Romance novels were SO CONFUSING to me before I started watching porn.

I thought a love glove was a condom?

Appropos of nothing I just informed Boyfriend-Jo by text message that we are now to call my lady-bits my mystery machine. I really wish I could see the look on his face right now.

Until I was like 8 or 9 I seriously thought babies came from the stork. (Thanks, Dumbo.)

Sweet! My interminable knitting project of doom/awesome and I thank you.

Catcher's mitt, hairy clam, lady-bits, nether gates, flower, Savoy Truffle (courtesy of a Beatlemaniac ex-boyfriend)...

As a word, as a combination of sounds meant to represent something, I strongly dislike "vagina." It's ugly. There's no getting around it.

Ok, is Downton Abbey available for free online somewhere? I have a long boring weekend coming up and I feel like I've missed some very important cultural zeitgeist here.

I'm alone at my sister's house deep in the woods all weekend. I get bored easily. Therefore I think we need an INTERNET INCHWORM PARTY!

When you were a kid did you ever put your sleeping bag on and pretend to be an inchworm?

Are those...sweat pants? Or...I'm not even sure. An adult-sized sleep sack?

Prawns freak me out. If you're going to steal something shouldn't it at least be not the stuff of nightmares?

They'd hide a colostomy bag pretty well.