I am! So much! Especially now that I'm 99.9% confident that they're farts and not sharts. I may or may not have had to sleep on a towel last night just to be safe.

Sorry you couldn't be there to see it, then. If I do say so myself, it was quite an impressive feat of projectile heaving.

Am seriously debating adding the entire series to my Netflix queue. Not that I need it to be any longer.

Just going on my own experience, the last time I broke up with someone, like 2 weeks later I met someone adorable and wanted to be his girlfriend immediately. I'm glad he stopped that from happening. We're still friends and hook up a couple times a month when we're able. But we'd be a terrible couple.

Right now I'm farting up a storm because I'm getting over a stomach bug and I freaking love it. There's something so incredibly satisfying about letting loose on a big noisy fella, especially because right now mine have no smell. Also the bug has me incredibly bloated, and every fart means my pants fit that much…

He's on the rebound. Avoid. Boy will imprint on you like a wee baby duckling. Find him a DD or take up a collection for cab fare.

My mom says my sisters and I were all born with full thick heads of jet-black hair. At 35, 32, and 27, we all have varying shades of dark brown hair now. Whoever's baby that is, she sure is a beauty!

There is something unbearably wonderful about grown men who like small children.

I bought a car last summer and named it Lysander.

NuvaRing is $50 a month with insurance. I can't afford it anymore so I'm going to ask my lady doctor about switching to a generic pill at my next appointment. Without insurance it's like $200. I like the convenience of not taking a pill daily but not that much...

From what I could tell it was mostly very creative reenactments of hypothetical Biblical fight scenes. Followed by reenactments of MEGADISASTERS. I admit, I am a sucker for shows with titles like "Megadisasters," but not these.

I've had my mouth worked on a bunch lately, and on top of that I had to get bloodwork and an IV this week. The only thing that works for me is big deep breaths and counting. Inhale, 1, exhale, 2, up to 10, and repeat. Except for the IV, inevitably the pain would be gone by the second 10, if not the first.

Oh man, the year I had mono on Thanksgiving, my then-boyfriend brought me a plate with all the fixins since I couldn't be with my family (sister: YOU ARE NOT EXPOSING YOUR GERMS TO MY KIDS, LADY) or his. I had some that night and it was ok. I had some the next morning and it...was not ok. Stuffing and cranberry sauce…

I have no idea how I got this. No one I've interacted with in the last week is sick. (My 3-year-old nephew is but I haven't seen him since MLK weekend.) Either I picked it up during my volunteer shift at the free clinic, which is unlikely because I didn't eat or use the bathrooms there, or I ate something bad. I'm…

One word, friend: Meetup. Meetup.com is a website full of groups of people getting together because of specific interests. I started poking around Meetup for similar reasons, and it's worked out really well for me. Chances are there's something you'll like in or near your city. Other good places to look for groups:…

So on Wednesday a stomach flu slammed into me pretty hard and caused some grief. I'm mostly better now, but I've missed two and a half days of work and managed to humiliate myself in ways I never imagined. (Puking at the grocery store - while sober and not pregnant? Check.)

And this is what drives me nuts about social conservatives. Real conservatives should be all about saving money. Giving people the ability to prevent pregnancies they can't afford and babies they can't raise? Keeping people out of emergencies rooms and in their jobs? YES. These are good for the economy and therefore…

I think we should stop calling it birth control and start calling it happy people medication. My birth control certainly makes me happy.

This would never work with my youngest nephew. For a while when he was 18 months old, ish, his favorite game was to point to random men at Walmart and holler "Is that Daddy? Nooo!" over and over. He's almost 4 now and anyone who tries to kidnap him has another thing coming. That kid is a pint-sized ball of mischief…

The squeaking! Oh my god, the squeaking. This totally made my stomach-flu-ridden day.