TAKE ME NOW.

I hope they didn’t try and flush it out of their systems by drinking water, it could only become more powerful.

It came out too dark! Breakfast is RUINED!

I bet Her Majesty can drag you like a fresh carcass when necessary.

BOWEL MOVEMENT.

This just in:

They came from an hour away with a thirst for loafage,

After being dead for 18 years, my father in law still has a stalker.

This story is one that happened to a friend’s family. My friend’s father is an incredibly well-spoken, intelligent guy, so when his father died, he was chosen to give the eulogy.

The guitarist from my old band died quite unexpectedly at a youngish age after a long battle with what we could only assume was a bad combo of Tourette’s syndrome and Aspergers and an accidental toxic combo of the questionable drugs he took to keep all that in check. Rather than a typical funeral for a strange and…

So a week after I started this job, a guy who no longer worked at the publication I worked for died in a car accident. I never met him, and he was a copy editor so it wasn’t like I was familiar in any way with him through what he wrote.
But nevertheless, the EOC said everyone needed to go. So I went. And somehow the…

This is what happened at the oddest funeral I ever attended:

loading it up like the fattest, whitest, christian woman at a starbucks greedily eyeing the caramel bottles, it’s pathetic and shameful.

UHHHH, there is plenty wrong with it. I mean wow, its sad on it’s face man. What is food and eating? A game where you die from eating all the food? I would always take a delicious burrito that was planned out by someone over a sadness pile wrapped in a failure shell. Chipotle is only an OK place to eat anyway, its…

Those poor Christians! The underrepresented majority. It’s not like six of the nine Supreme Court Justices, 91.8% of Congress, and the President of the United States are all Christian or something!

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Neutrogena Ultra Sheer Dry Touch is hands-down my favorite. It can be purchased everywhere, including http://www.amaz…

Clarins UV Plus HP SPF 40 Day Screen for my face. It sits really well under makeup and is long lasting. I haven’t even gotten any new freckles since I started wearing this. For my body, Neutrogena Ultra Sheer Dry-Touch Sunscreen, SPF 100. I am high-risk for melanoma and have had many, many moles removed. My…

Clarins UV Plus HP SPF 40 Day Screen for my face. It sits really well under makeup and is long lasting. I haven’t…

Now several young brides from Kilkenny

Kind strangers on the Internet! Good news! Murphy can get surgery and he’s going to be okay!! It must have been from all your kind vibes sent his way. I started openly crying happy tears in the grocery store line when my dad called me. Yay!!