I’ll be honest, I kind of like knowing I’m the pinnacle of my gene pool.

Seeing Alien way too young solidified this point of view for me also.

When I do interact with kids, this is what I do. And then the kid just stares at me blankly and I’m still like YOU JUST DON’T GET ME AND NEVER WILL.

Everyone is always going on about how he and Faris are “relationship goals!” but then I remember the cat. And the cross building on Instagram. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth, and I love Guardians and Parks & Rec.

I never had an inner child, I had an inner adult.

I was an only child who preferred those older than me. I didn’t enjoy hanging out with kids even when I was a kid. Why would I hang out with them now?

As a spoiled, socially awkward only child I would like to tell each and every one of these people to fuck off. I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

My mother, who had several children as well as my grandmother’s friends and coworkers foisted upon her by said grandmother, has steered clear of voicing her opinion of my wedding planning because of the hell she went through. It’s refreshing.

Details: I live about a mile and a half from the Canadian border where they probably made their wrong turn to Niagara Falls, which originally set off the judgement against him. You have to go over a bridge. There are signs everywhere that say “BRIDGE TO CANADA” or literally showing you where to exit before the…

For real. I have a red dress and a dance to do.

In another article they said he was dubbed in that scene too.

Shhhh...don’t give Trump any ideas about the whales.

So is French White!

I’m 43, I’ve lived paycheck to paycheck my whole life, and I need some new steak knives and plates I haven’t cobbled together from Ikea. Come at me.

Yeah I don’t get it. Who the fuck WANTS to be a coal miner?

I keep saying this to my friends, except that the Bluths were slightly smarter.

My fiancé moved in 2 months ago and brought his cat. She regularly grooms his beard. The other night I got into bed and she came and sat on my chest, placed one paw on each go my cheeks, saw that I had no beard to groom and got up and left.

This was my thought exactly.

I was perusing The Knot today and they recommended Danzig’s “Mother” as a great mother/son dance, as well as “Mother” by Pink Floyd. It’s as if they just typed the word mother into Spotify without actually listening to them.

You’re right. The edges eventually got sanded off though. Fallon’s original show also had some weird bits like “Let Us Play With Your Look” and that dumb pants song but you’ll never see that stuff again.