I can picture it in my mind - Donny shuffling along in leg irons an an orange jumpsuit, deprived of self tanner and hair plugs - and it is breathtaking.

Truth. My 70-something father’s taste buds have been on a downward spiral for years. He put salt on everything. Everything. He puts salt on salad, which he has already covered in gobs of creamy dressing (I may have inherited his clicky jaw but sadly not his hummingbird-esque metabolism).

The back is just as stunning. And it’s edged in fur.

She used to know better.

How about a greasy pork sandwich, served in a dirty ash tray?

I have adored her for years, ever since her first web series. To this day my Mom always says “Put it in the cart, Mom will buy you shit” when we go to Target.

I get where you’re coming from here. The whole idea of emotional labor, and how the woman in the relationship almost always ends up keeping track of the family’s doctors appointments, and how much toilet paper is left, and everyone’s birthdays so god forbid no one forgets to send a card, is exhausting many women out…

Thanks. He’s been sick off and on for 15 years, but we just found out he’s not going to get better this time. He’ll make it to my wedding through sheer force of will I’m sure.

That’s it exactly- kindness. On occasion, righteousness can take a back seat

I’m getting married too. I like him. I want to marry him. Is marriage an old institution that was used to enslave women? Sure. Is it that way anymore? It doesn’t have to be. Am I an attention whore who wants everyone to watch me walk down the aisle in a pretty dress? I sure am. Will I let my father hand me…

I’m taking what I can get at this point.

Someone yelled “Irregardless is not a word!” at Mark Sanford at a town hall the other day and I felt warm inside in a way I haven’t since November 5th.

http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/kvw

This looks like all the terrible shit I wore in 1986.

In the immortal words of the Hold Steady, “I lived through the 80's one time already - and I don’t recall them all that fondly”.

Guys, I’m still stuck on $1100 a head.

It’s the same beast that’s harming all of us.

Now I have to go dig out my 45 of the theme song...

He can talk, but he can only recite Shakespeare on an endless loop.