Early June, 2018. I wander a scorched forest, kicking through ash and dust, hoping to find something green sprouting in the denuded earth. The power grid is down, communications satellites are failing, and the Earth’s population has been reduced twentyfold. Water stores are poisoned, and medicine has become currency.…

I thought when a woman did it it was called a “Twagina”

The Jags are known more for this gif than for any sort of success.

Double Dragon was my favorite arcade game.

“...available once a match...[to] banish an unsightly itch...”

Ok, sure thing, new internet friend

Big talk from a guy who’s entire race nearly got wiped out by a lack of fries.

Didn’t vote, too busy ejaculating.

I ejaculate a whole lot

It’s not racist if it’s a compliment

Did you ever consider that pushing skateboarders over is the cops hobby and you just don’t understand it?

Condition has been downgraded to Gnarly

How was he bad at his job? Did you see how fucking far that dork went?!

Well then you’ll be angry and one handed, but at least you’ll be full.

You getting all worked up about this is the definition of insanity.

What a baby. In my church league nothing short of a compound fracture keeps the big fellas out. Hell, I’ve been playing on an STD for weeks. The real issue here is with the fortitude of these young men. Either pony up or saddle off chief. I pay far too much for cable for this nonsense and frankly I’ve had enough.

I don’t know if the shot clock will always benefit TV viewing. When Nadal begins his serving routine it’s comforting to know that I have time to go make a sandwich without worrying about missing a point.

Plus, the shortage is exacerbated because so many of them are blind.

That letter is a lot less comical sans the font.

That’s how I like my beef, aged and grassfederer.