I think I’m with Cat Stevens Fart Guy.

Apparently at a hybrid poker-blackjack table populated by at least one Deadspin reader.

Mainers are pretty shitty Pats fans, too. They’re distinctly different from the “Masshole” archetype but god damn can Mainers get annoying when Tom Brady comes up.

You forgot Mackelmore. Can’t forget that penis of a human.

I live in New England as a non-Pats fan. The Pats fan is an aggrieved asshole. They’re hard to deal with and arrogant, but they’re also genuinely miserable about most aspects of their lives. This is what makes them true New Englanders.

Yeah, a book a month is not nuts. I had to read a book a day a couple years back. Held that pace for three goddamn months. Let me tell you: a book a month is not unreasonable.

I think this is why lots of people don’t read. They think they need to read a prestige book. It’s literally the worst way to encourage yourself to read more. I have so many friends who started Infinte Jest or Finnegan’s Wake or Gravity’s Rainbow because they thought they should. And then they won’t pick up something…

This is something I’ve heard countless times as the Eagles pissed away games under Reid. My drunken sad Eagles fan friends wailing into their Yuenglings: “WHY!? WHY CAN’T WE JUST GET AN ASSISTANT COACH TO RUN 2 MINUTE DRILLS!?”

Sixes/bombers for when the distro is closed, like at 10:30 pm on a Monday. Or when I don’t want a whole case of something. And sometimes my old local 6 store had more variety than either of the distros near me. So, practical reasons.

I’m addicted to the Morricone in both.

I think I would die in Utah. Or I guess I’d just sober up.

16. spend the savings running around like an asshat to three different stores stocking up on bombers/singles/sixes, cases, and hard stuff. Every. Single. Week.

I look back at my own college experience and sometimes can’t believe how abnormal I was. Never drank grain alcohol punch from a bucket. Did, however, struggle to explain to an entire dorm floor what that stank coming from my room was without revealing I was fermenting unpasteurized cider with champagne yeast in my…

100% agree on the Stout/Porter angle, especially if traveling and unsure of local microbrew’s quality.

“PREMIUM BEERs”

That would probably explain why I, as a similar weird-last-name-haver, cannot keep myself from harming my coworkers on a daily basis.

+1 turnover on first down

Chip Kelly lifehack: redlining is a cool trick where ‘people’ like ‘me’ don’t have to worry so much about ‘the criminal element’. I’m talking about black people. And segregation. And how it’s good.

Don’t get me all the way wrong. I like some of those things plenty. And one of the biggest problems I had was worrying liking those was incommensurate with being an intense football fan. So yeah, I’ll be an artisan cheese asshole sometimes. But it’s usually next to the queso dip and football is on the TV.

I spent a lot of my young life thinking I had to hate football to be smart. Had to shed my blue collar family’s habits if I wanted people to think I was Serious and Mature and Intelligent.