She’s better than Colbert! She never breaks!

The GOP has become a living Onion article

I honestly think the only shocking thing she could do now is dye her hair back to her natural color and start wearing chunky knitted sweaters with jeans. She has circled the shock spectrum so thoroughly that she’s now fairly mundane.

She’s like one of those dolls from the 60s. You’d pull the string and out would come some random phrase. Sarah is the Tea Party-programmed model.

Their lifecycle corresponds nicely to that of leaves on deciduous trees: April-October. My guess is that sexy nannies are some species of oak.

As a Jew, I am horrified by it, and astonished that people can’t see it for what it is.

Curious, are hot nannies seasonal? It seems like there is a direct correlation between the availability of hot nannies, the current drought in California, and our annual journey into the autumnal equinox. Are hot nannies a phenomenon that bloom in springtime and diminish much like the leaves in the fall? Where does…

Seriously what is that... What? Orwellian world of kaleidoscopes?

I realize that Israel is using these Christian fundies politically and financially but if you’re a religious Jew, how are you not insulted by the fact that they support Israel only because they think Jesus will come down, kill all the Jews and hand over Israel to them?

No, she wasn’t. She was a wackadoodle and a bully but on such a small stage that it wasn't really apparent until she hit the big time.

Yeah, no. She was never smart. If by “plain-spoken” you mean “too stone stupid to use a word over two syllables,” then, yeah, she has always been that. And, yes, she was, somehow, elected to govern Alaska, but she failed pretty mightily at that.

She cares for you so much she can’t wait for your nation to be obliterated in the Apocalypse so she and her family can get into heaven. Aren’t you glad your fate is so important to her?

Creativity. I swear I typed “creativity.” She has never had any credibility.

Have we ever seen Sarah Palin and Joaqin Phoenix in the same room?

Or ‘Sarah Palin’ is a long-running satirical performance art piece?

My Lord, I can not believe how long it took me to figure it out: she is a performance artist. She is trolling us all. No one could possible string that many inane clichés together sincerely. It takes dedication, effort and real credibility to include “drill, baby drill”. “We don’t retreated. We reload.” “He may…

See, personally I’m operating under the suspicion that she might be having an eight year long stroke and this is just another in a series of cries for help.

I’m not convinced she’s not a robot. Some freshman Computer Science major wrote a program as a joke that generates Tea Party-esque phrases and then uploaded it into her mainframe.

Ah, catfishing. Starts out as a lark, something fun to do while you’re bored, and then next thing you know you’re in England wearing a wool hat and a strap-on.

She told police that she felt something was ‘not right’ so she removed the scarf and mask, and saw Newland standing there wearing a woolly hat, swimming suit and prosthetic penis.