Go up to man with stick. Claim you’re scared of stick. Kill man. Enjoy paid vacation. Claim murdered man was “no angel”. Collect extra overtime quelling the protests after you’re cleared of any wrong doing.

This isn’t really on topic but, I’ve been watching a lot more soccer lately and am looking to learn a little more about what each player is supposed to do on and off the ball, how each formation should work, etc. Does anyone have any solid suggestions?

God, this is painful to watch. (Your writing, not the video.)

Kick It Out called it “offensive and discriminatory” and said “racist stereotypes are never acceptable, irrespective of any intention to show support for a player,” per the BBC.

Or what happens any time you sit back and think to yourself, ‘Yeah, man, things actually are pretty good for me.’

I did (the first season was amazing) but man that show got bad quick. Peaky Blinders can kiss my ass too.

So this is the Nash equilibrium of competing player ranking methodologies, right?

How is it possible that you didn’t specify the car hits you in the nuts?

*scrolls down*

At least 12 of these rankings of these rankings are too high and/or too low.  

That last paragraph is pretty tough. “Why hasn’t Andy Murray articulated perfect gender politics and cited all historical references?”

A snake eating its own tail just had a stroke reading this list.

Has anyone ever won a Pulitzer for sports blogging before?

Did this give you a headache putting this together, because it gave me a headache reading it.

this is so metta i think some dude just got stabbed with the leg of a table.

There has also been speculation that in the match’s aftermath, Neymar unfollowed Cavani on Instagram, though the evidence for that contention is a little less firm. (But not non-existent: Here’s a tweet showing that Neymar does not follow Cavani’s account right now, and here’s another one that purports to show that…

I’d love to see Elliott pull out some sage quotes from one of history’s greatest Texans, Bill Hicks:

“Quirky, unpredictable, entertaining...”

This is a trap right? It looks like fun to become a Raiders fan.

“Quirky, unpredictable, entertaining...”