"If this guy keeps going at this rate, he's gonna wear his pecker down to a nub."

I guess the natural equilibrium to this is that eventually exactly half the population will have jobs monitoring the other half.

♪ Now you're messin' with a… a sonofabitch! ♫
Dang, Hair of the Wrong Animal.

Yeah, it's pretty amazing, hermano.

Ahh, but the strawberries that's… that's where I had them. They laughed at me and made jokes but I proved beyond the shadow of a doubt and with… geometric logic… that a duplicate key to the wardroom icebox DID exist, and I'd have produced that key if they hadn't of pulled the Caine out of action. I, I, I know now they…

You should take a ride in the car with me after I've eaten the enchilada plate with refried beans, then.

You're thinking of the Irritable Bowel Syndrome Sufferers Singles Mingle, every May up in the Catskills.

Looks suspiciously white for a Middle Easterner.

Griddled.

If they've served 2.5 billion eggs and 1.6 billion strips of bacon, how come they don't call it "Eggs and Bacon House?"

When I was there (2008-09) you could only get booze on the black market. $140 for a fifth of the cheapest Johnny Walker. Every restaurant had a bar, but the bar was empty. I understood that they built the bars when they built the restaurants, planning ahead for the future date when booze was legalized (HA!).
Booze…

No, they weren't on any base, just the fancy old neighborhood where the rich folks used to live before the Soviets invaded.

When we visited Pusan and Inchon, we were told not to drink the O-B beer, because it would make you hit positive on a piss test (for opium, IIRC). Of course, we drank as much O-B as we could find.

I did it in class one day when I was a senior and when I came to I was stumbling around the front of the classroom, apparently hollering about something or other. This was a "health" class, and I don't remember any consequences except Coach Dullnig cracking up.

Most of the bars in Kabul were in the Wazir Akhbar Khan neighborhood, which is where the rich folks lived. Sometimes they'd get closed down when they didn't pay their bribes in a timely manner.

Especially during the summer. I work here at Lackland and feel sorry for those poor bastards out there marching in the heat.

There was a French camp on the Jallalabad highway on the east side of Kabul that had an Italian base exchange, and they sold beer and wine.

I don't know why the kids don't just huff gasoline fumes like we did in my day. Hell, it's even unleaded these days, so you don't get the immediate brain damage and cancer like back in the 70s.

You bastard, you stole my woods porn, didn't you!?!?

We would hyperventilate, throw our head back, and press down on the carotid arteries on the neck to get the passing out effect. We called it the Headline Headrush.