+1

Average number of grandparents for persons pictured: 3.2.

You're assuming that the Dennis who wrote this email was being wholly honest, which goes against everything we know of Dennis.

Stupid. False, and stupid.

It's a vaccine! Everyone is forced to get myriad vaccines in order to function in society!

This is really fucking stupid and belies a deep-seeded ignorance that only American privilege and arrogance could provide.

Touche. Maybe it was a moment of weakness for Dennis? Or maybe this email got caught in a slipstream through the space-time continuum and is actually from a 17 year old Dennis?

+1

I read on wikipedia that silverfish can live for a year without eating. A FUCKING YEAR.

I'm assuming the first letter is actually from Dennis Reynolds.

Welcome to Deadspin, Lance. Will you be doing a Q&A later?

Oh, Lance. Carmelo is coming for YOU next.

+1

Ah, there's the issue. Being a native Floridian you wouldn't know anything's wrong.

To be honest, I was really hoping he'd go to ESPN so I could completely forget he existed. #coffeenerdness

To be honest, I was really hoping he'd go to ESPN so I could completely forget he existed. #coffeenerdness

To be honest, I was really hoping he'd go to ESPN so I could completely forget he existed. #coffeenerdness

To be honest, I was really hoping he'd go to ESPN so I could completely forget he existed. #coffeenerdness

To be honest, I was really hoping he'd go to ESPN so I could completely forget he existed. #coffeenerdness

To be honest, I was really hoping he'd go to ESPN so I could completely forget he existed. #coffeenerdness