One of the best ("funniest") things that ever happened to me was back in the '70s at Trader Vic's in Denver. A group of about 10 of us had come in for drinks after work and, around 10:00 p.m., an extremely good-looking gentleman, very well-dressed, approached me at the bar and, with a slight bow, handed me a…

And here I was, almost about to Google "Pedantic Yacht!"

I AM!!! I take such delight in my contempt for her!

No, no, no, no. NO talk of Dodai leaving. No. Just stop. Think about this: If you've jinxed this by mentioning Dodai leaving, how will you like it if all you're left with is trying to get through a fucking article about fucking fuccboi and white man-hole covers and just bullshit like that? (Except maybe Shrayber…

Not from the Department of Punctuation, you didn't, Oprah.

But...but...what about "Tupelo Honey?"

Thank you; I think this is The Perfect Response.

I am neither Team Mariah nor Not Team Mariah, but I think I'd like to know the same thing. As long as dem babies are well-taken-care-of, of course.

OMG, this is wonderful! I wish it for you also!

I don't see how that could be interpreted as anything but decent since you both agree she's awesome. Somehow I don't think that Demi perceives Mila as awesome.

Demi strikes me as being just the twisted little demon who would pull a passive-aggressive stunt like that, because that's about as passive-aggressive as you get. An e-mail? Flowers, maybe; not a damn e-mail!

Goop is tied on my Insufferable List with LaNicks. All she needs to do now is bray like a donkey and she wins everything. Fucking a donkey might do it also, but I think Nicks has probably already beaten her to that.

My sister and I (along with a few boys) once got thrown out of the most notorious biker bar in Denver for sneaking in a fifth of Cutty. I think we might have been OK if we hadn't all ordered one glass of ice water each when the waitress came around. Live & learn...but another decent story.

Those Minnesotans do not litter. Respect.

If this is in response to "...is Nick Cannon a jerk?" I agree that he is not, or he doesn't seem like one to me. If he is, I doubt that he's an Adam-Levine-Level-Jerk. Then again, who is? OK, Kanye. And Ryan Lochte. And Michael Vick.

LOL...that's great! I bet it took care of the smell from the feed lots, too!

Rape Natalie Wood. When she was, like, 15-16.

Kelly: I'm not even finished reading everything yet, but I've gotta congratulate you: I don't think I've ever read a Q&A on Jez in which the Answer-er responds to almost every question! This has really been amazing and so entertaining. Thanks for this.

But that's one of the things I love most about Jez — off-topic tangents are never (as far as I'm aware) discouraged and generally lead to the best stuff, like how snow conditions are handled in Iowa! :-)

I'm so excited about your response that I'm going to try my luck with another question! What's your take on the Kenneth Anger publications/books/stories? He's almost impossible to follow sometimes and his stuff is so ... weird, I guess. Is he believable or just crazy?