I hope Oprah invites Jenny McCarthy as a guest speaker:

I was a weekly Trader Joe’s shopper (~$200 for my family). But the last time I went (a month ago), they were only letting 50 people in at a time and everyone was STILL crowded in the pasta and peanut butter aisle. Now I use Hannaford-to-Go and it’s been pretty good. Ahold Delhaize has north of 2,000 supermarkets in…

Sociopaths come in all shapes and sizes.

Keep typing double-spaces between sentences. It makes it easier to know who the sociopaths are. Like wearing a MAGA hat or flying a Confederate flag or playing Drake songs loudly enough for others to hear.

You know, back in the Middle Ages, the plague was carried by rats. That’s what they say. Maybe something like that is happening now. We don’t know how people get coronavirus. Everyone’s sheltering at home and people are still getting it. Maybe it’s the rats. You know, they didn’t have rat poison back then and we know…

How about they bring back the program where digital comics dropped in price after 30 days? Once they stopped that, I basically gave up comics as a weekly hobby after 25 years of regular buying. You want me back? Stop charging me the same price for digital as print. I’m willing to wait a month to placate the fragile,…

Makes sense. The rest of us are already involved in a nationwide reenactment of Occupy Wall Street—sitting around, pretending to be busy but actually accomplishing very little, waiting for a leader to emerge who can pass our purity test and can mobilize us to real action, knowing that leader will never come.

Credit card debt, just like when Bush sent me a check.

Credit card debt, just like when Bush sent me a check.

Fallon, Kimmel, and Colbert aren’t interchangeable—they’re an evolutionary chart.

It’s never too early to cancel SantaCon.

Why go all the way to San Diego to catch Con Crud when I can just get it at my local Trader Joe’s or Target?

The only thing I’ll put my health at risk for is to get rid of this asshole in November.

Yeah, Dr. Who. There’s just something so off-putting about it and I can’t explain why. Like Firefly, it just holds no appeal to me.

I’ve been ride or die for Tron since seeing the original in the theaters* and have total blinders for the actual story quality of both films. I would watch a sequel in a heartbeat. But I don’t want one now. I like the idea that Tron is a showcase for the state of the art. The two films represent entirely different…

How do you sell oatmeal raisin cookies by alienating people who like chocolate chip?

If you’re hoping for justice, it’s not coming. McConnell will live to a ripe old age and enjoy a comfortable, consequence-free existence until he dies peacefully in his sleep at 102. The best we can hope for is that he gets voted out of office and we start doing the hard work of cleaning up the mess he’s made. 

Biden and Trump are the same in one way: they both run on a return to the past. For Trump it’s “Remember the good old days before a black guy was president?” For Biden it’s “Remember the good old days before a spiteful idiot was president?” Both options are a step back, but if those are the only choices, I choose the…

Male lions sleep 23 hours a day while the lionesses hunt and raise the cubs. They wake up occasionally to roar, eat, and fuck. Male lions are self-centered assholes.

I was reading a review of Mrs. America that made the point that while liberals are content to control the culture conservatives are busy amassing political power. Basically, we can pat ourselves on the back all we want that two men kissing on TV is fairly normalized—meanwhile, the ERA never got passed. Government…

I’m not dealing with financial hardship, but I have both student loans and credit card debt. Does it make sense to take the forbearance and use the monthly amount I usually put to my student loans to instead pay extra to my credit card for the duration of the forbearance?