You know what’s weird: people who think they’re entitled to rub a pregnant woman’s belly. Especially those who do it without asking first or aren’t especially close to the woman. Both times my wife was pregnant, she had people just walk up and rub her belly and she hated it because it made her horribly self-conscious.…

We knew both times but didn’t tell anyone, partly to avoid being deluged with pink or blue. All we told people was the theme of the nursery: the forest. Kid #1 arrived the year owls became a thing, so we got a lot of owl shit. Kid #2 arrived with the shark fad, so now we’ve got sharks living in the forest.…

Why do people think it’s ok to use naked babies in advertising? In almost every other context, society is frantic to protect kids from creeps (both real and imaginary), yet as long as there’s product to be sold it is perfectly acceptable to parade a naked baby to shill. Did anybody ask for the baby’s consent?

It becomes very relevant when, a year in, one person in the relationship wants to start dining at better restaurants or taking vacations with you that involve accommodations better than a Motel 6. When I was 24-ish, I was with someone for a couple of years who was older and had significantly more money than me. It…

Ah, your 30s! After spending most of your 20s playing games of pop culture Didja Know! (“Here’s a list of trivia I just discovered that you probably don’t know, starting with Eric Stoltz was the original Marty”), you move on to your “I’m So Old” 30s, where your old ass obsesses over what “The Kids” are up to now that…

Here’s a game: We put out disposable cameras on the tables and one of the gay couples ran around with them getting all the male guests to take dick pics. The “Junk Shots” from my wedding are legendary. Legendary because the couple in question never gave us those cameras and are, to this day, the only two people who’ve…

Really looking forward to that plant-based pizza sauce!

It’s one of those ideas that is embraced on both sides for different reasons (both bad). For the Trump crowd, it’s about celebrating gluttony as an outgrowth of Manifest Destiny. For liberals it’s about avoiding body shaming and making sure nobody ever feels bad. But the reality is, as with most things, it’s more…

My Keto Journey:

I was about to say “Sadly, predates the 2010-2019 timeframe of the article,” because I thought for sure the anti-vax nonsense started in 2002. But then I looked up when Jenny McCarthy went on Oprah and sold the world on the autism link hoax and that was 2007. This shit has only been going on 12 years?! It feels like…

Why are there two Dakotas?! They should not get 4 senators. They can either combine and have 2, or stay separate and each have 1. Then DC and Puerto Rico can each get a senator.

The announcement of the updates was composed in Bank Street Writer.

Massachusetts and Maine are surprisingly similar (and people from both states would be irate at that statement). There are a few notable and outspoken pockets of liberalism/progressivism, but, outside the cities and (some) college towns, both states get real paranoid and conservative real fast. This is why, when I…

Danvers, Massachusetts. You may have heard of it by its original name: Salem Village. You know, where people ran around accusing their neighbors of being witches. Other than the name, not much changed in 300 years.

Yeah, I always forget that part about being in constant recruitment mode. 

He’s like a stereotypical high school class president. He ran on the equivalent of “If elected, I’m going to put a soda machine in the cafeteria,” but once he was in office all he did was make sure all the senior activities favored the Cool Kid he wants to be friends with and scared away the nerds. Not all of us…

Three grades of politicking is still three years more experience then he had going into the job.

Trump: “I’m not having a meltdown. You’re having a meltdown!”

“It’s unnatural for us”

I suppose they could fold a religion section into the active shooter drills.