You were actually correct about the etymology of this word. Ratchet is really just an ebonic bastardization of wretched.

I wonder if he likes brown sugar cane...

Before this, I used to pretend not to like Chelsea Handler. Now? I'd totally let her peg me.

You can rub your nuts with anything.

Sorry. I have no dog in this fight, but this made me laugh out loud at an inappropriate time. Props.

Anchorman 2, coming to a theater near you.

On my way to the store... NOW!

Yeah, I'm still waiting for the coupons, too.

I almost hate myself for loving this as much as I did. Almost.

Y'all can believe this if you want. I doubt that such an about face comes so quickly and without something more compelling driving it behind the scenes. Someone else said the best apologies come with time. I agree. Reflection causes people to see the true error of their ways. This reads like someone brought…

That was a really long, unfunny way to go in order to say reservation.

Uberlube. Made in Chicago.
She'll thank me later.

If you are my best friend (because you sound like my best friend), you know I love you and I hope you get through this time, because you have so much to offer a partner. I hope you find the right one and the void fills.

Your city is Rapid City, South Dakota. It isn't even really a city. It's a few lights that you might miss driving I-94 on your way past it heading either east or west back to civilization of some sort. I mean, the comparison isn't even apples and oranges. If Detroit is apples, Rapid City is maggots.

I will never forget the time I ordered an "import" beer in a bar in Spain and they handed me an MGD with a straight face. I think I laughed until I got on the plane a week later.

This guy is named Betty.

I doubt there are very many child abusers watching videos about how ads are made. If it helps a small fraction of the number of kids who see it, I don't care how much the ad agency promotes itself.

Wow. South African Bros are almost as bad as American ones.

Yeah, every time the Packers want a stadium upgrade, they get the people to pay for it.

You mean it isn't dead? Diddy used to do that shit when he was Puff Daddy. That's like 10 or 12 douche cycles ago.