I almost hate myself for loving this as much as I did. Almost.

Y'all can believe this if you want. I doubt that such an about face comes so quickly and without something more compelling driving it behind the scenes. Someone else said the best apologies come with time. I agree. Reflection causes people to see the true error of their ways. This reads like someone brought…

That was a really long, unfunny way to go in order to say reservation.

Uberlube. Made in Chicago.
She'll thank me later.

If you are my best friend (because you sound like my best friend), you know I love you and I hope you get through this time, because you have so much to offer a partner. I hope you find the right one and the void fills.

Your city is Rapid City, South Dakota. It isn't even really a city. It's a few lights that you might miss driving I-94 on your way past it heading either east or west back to civilization of some sort. I mean, the comparison isn't even apples and oranges. If Detroit is apples, Rapid City is maggots.

I will never forget the time I ordered an "import" beer in a bar in Spain and they handed me an MGD with a straight face. I think I laughed until I got on the plane a week later.

This guy is named Betty.

Wow. South African Bros are almost as bad as American ones.

Yeah, every time the Packers want a stadium upgrade, they get the people to pay for it.

Yeah. This is one you chuckle to yourself and then post next week. Because then, you would've killed.

Please tell us about your perfect husband.

Toy Story 3? You mean that toy holocaust movie that tore my heart out? Yeah, it was pretty good.

Oh, Tyra. I'm sure many men would be willing to serve your eggs up to order.

Thank you. When I'm convinced that no one but the gays understand what we gays are going through, I read this and I'm thankfully wrong.

Nike makes dress shoes: Cole Haan.

*slams mike down*

donkeymcmoneyboner? Where HE at???

Voting for Alan Keyes is no defense to racism. Keyes hates black people, too.

Thanks to Oprah, I read A New Earth and got to meet Whitney Houston and, thanks to a random temp job, got to pay my rent at a time when I couldn't. Was Oprah directly connected to any of these events? No, but when people talk shit about her, I ask myself what the person talking shit has done for me and how it…