you sound like someone who doesn’t use Lysol on their junk. I bet you don’t even HAVE a husband.

Maybe Peggy adopts Sally and they live together in Peggy’s apartment building!

I will honestly brag that I am both very attractive and very cool and all of you should be super jealous.

Sounds like I can keep complaining: “Hey, at least I’m not humblebragging, people really hate that.”

One of my feats in adulthood has been learning how to take compliments and how to assert that I’m good at stuff. I’m guessing it can come off as bragging sometimes, but I’d rather take that than fake humility. I think women (and some men, I guess, at least in my neck of the woods) are conditioned to think little of…

I’m good in bed. I just wanted to say that.

I am so bored by how fascinated women are with my very large penis.

I was watching the scene from between parted fingers, squealing. It was in that very kitchen that she gave the sloooow once over to her friend’s hot, shirtless teen son.

That and “Sally’s inappropriately young friend wants to bone Don” were two of the more uncomfortable things that have ever happened

My 16-year-old sister looks a little bit older so she occasionally gets hit on by boys in their early 20s. At one point, this one sorry fellow tried to convince her that “age is just a number,” to which she quickly retorted, “a prison cell is just a room.”

I just remembered a great one! Last month, my friend - who is the chillest, least confrontational, most mild-mannered person in the whole world - was visiting Israel and he ran into some German lady who was like, “Why can’t there just be peace?” My friend was all, “Yeah, totally” (my friend and I are both Jewish but…

Oh god, I can only imagine sending my son to do that. The kid is great, but the way he spaces out is a thing of legend. I'd find him, thirty minutes later, in the baking aisle when I sent him to get tomato sauce.

If you forgot something... I just don't know what to do with you. I feel there should be a place you would be sent to be reconditioned until you are fit to rejoin society.

I've noticed that more often than not, the express lane is manned by (and negated by) a newbie clerk. Express lanes are where I express my frustration.

None of these suggestions work for me, since the cosmos works to ensure that no matter what line I choose, it will be the worst of all available lines. If I get in a line with one person ahead of me, it'll be someone either dividing their cart into three separate transactions, or an old lady paying for her groceries…

I don't remember where, but I read that it's better to go with the lane with the least amount of people no matter how many items they have. the longest part of the checkout process is ringing up the total and paying. So if the express lane has 5 people with 2-3 items each it'll be better to got to the lane with the 1…

i've often wondered why that method is not universally implemented.

If the customers ahead of you in your line all have either a) bulging coupon notebooks, b) flyers from every other store in a 30-mile radius, or c) both, step away and walk briskly to another line.

Really? Not choose lane 13? Honestly, that's just stupid. Besides, not all lanes are even open at all times.

being able to gage (gauge?) the speed of a checkout line is neither a talent nor a skill that i've been able to develop. trying to compute the number of baskets, and the amount in each one, in each lane ... well, i'm usually just better off doing a mental "eeny meeny miney mo."