i paid ernest evans a respectable sum to let me press my flaccid dick against his forearm, thus making him look foolish as hell.

how do you guys want me to do it today?

you can't ban an idea, you twat.

told my wife to shut her mouth at her mother's funeral....got some pretty wild looks from the procession, but that didn't change my stance on the matter

told my wife to shut her mouth at her mother's funeral....got some pretty wild looks from the procession, but that doesn't change my stance on the matter.

i supplied the city's homeless with "Curve" cologne, as an urban improvement campaign.

ill be here 'til 5:30 i expect....look for the brassy embossed nameplate that reads "Kilos" on the 54th floor.

i live in a van down by the river.

could have still had literary honey dripping into all of your ears...but punk ass brian barrett wanted his readers hounded with something a little more dumbed down. so here we are. they would rather the bathroom humor over Pulitzer quality imagery and story-telling.

....i'll give you a ten-spot to come to my office and squeeze toothpaste on to my toothbrush, using only your armpit. bonus may be included if your pits are unshaven as i suspect they are.

scrapped, i tell ya!

you have a knack for these things...perhaps we could join forces and make a pop-up book for educated adults.

you have no idea lady...i can turn this entire site inside out in less than a day. ask Disney what happened to the ESPN game boards....the whole system was scrapped and taken over by Faceboook.

i looked on in crippling horror as my scrotum melted away and washed down the shower drain this morning.

hey rob, i'll give you a twanky dollar bill if you come to my house and naked army crawl through the clean laundry my wife just finished.

it's 2014, there are 2.6 devices capable of connecting to the internet in every american home.

well robbie...i gave the neighbor boy a little pocket cash to let me piss on his bed and then take the blame for it.

it is the disdain that sustains me. a once creative person of the people - they have turned me into a cynical thorn in their side. fuck them, they can have my poop comments now.

...tipped the mailman with a benjie and had him take a sweaty shit on my guest bathroom's toilet with the lid and seat up, while i face-timed UPS the whole ordeal.

i gave a 50 dollar savings bond to an ex-con to come and wack off in my garbage disposal. while i supervised over his shoulder and spoke words of encouragement into his ear.