...told a gay man that i would write him into my will if he came to my home and farted on my wife's fertility drugs, as a blessing of sorts

no one can be...the man was a virtuoso, a legend in his own time.

^

...told a gay man that i would write him into my will if he came to my home and farted on my wife's fertility drugs, as a blessing of sorts

...told a gay man that i would write him into my will if he came to my home and farted on my wife's fertility drugs, as a blessing of sorts

...told a gay man that i would write him into my will if he came to my home and farted on my wife's fertility drugs, as a blessing of sorts.

filled my wife's gas tank. in exchange, she went into the back yard in her wedding dress, and played in the damn dirt while babbling like a baby (as per our agreement).

commissioned a portlandian vegan street performer to move to my summer home in bardwell, tx. for a period of 5 months, and stockpile his scat in a hollowed out propane tank. this was done purely for entertainment purposes.

i paid my estranged uncle a nice chunk of change to walk back into my life like he never left, and piss on my white leather love seat.

bestowed gold bullion unto my only begotten son in exchange for his cooperation in my puking into his diapers, and then filming my wife changing them.

made a buckyball sandwich for the little bastard across the street, and watched his insides disintegrate into a pulpy soup.

gave my baby daughter a mid-market stock option to shut her mouth when i'm watching Sean Hannity

...paid a drifter to come take a dehydrated shit in my freezer and then pretend we were astronauts in my kitchen.

you want me to stop, windy?

might sneak up on ya with my fly ajar, and the zipper teeth resembling some beastly growling mouth.

drug my bare ass across my father in-law's sport coat....tucked a fiver in the pocket

I know a guy.

you piece of shit...you leave my son out of this!

because he has to live with that shame now...and i am only out a jackson. now when he finds out my son dented his wife's acura, he won't dare come complain at my door. see, i'm a family man.

or verbally bashing their wives from a distance that the wives can hear them, but far enough away for them to think that their husbands didn't intend for the wives to hear.