Whats he protesting again? Winning football games?

I don’t know what he’s hiding, but I have a good idea where he’s hiding it.

Re : Clear plastic helmets... sure you could make the shell clear but pretty much the entire thing has foam and padding on the inside, which probably can’t be made clear. So it wouldn’t be like “oh I can see that dude’s hair now” it would be ... the back of some pads, and adhesives.

If the NCAA won’t let them have dollars, I’m pretty sure they won’t let them have change either.

I was all set to believe Zeke before Jerry Jones opened his mouth to defend him. Now I have concerns.

Every time I hear the words “eat” and “bleachers,” why does my mind usually go to Buffalo?

“Uh...okay, what you’re seeing now isn’t technically bullying, but they do seem to be ganging up on her...”

Man, my human hatchling just cried like a bitch after he was born.

I’m glad you mentioned girls in a small town instead of just your dad in a trailer for a “get laid” bet.

Oh make no mistake, trying it is fucking stupid.

Bum Fights but with animals!

I can’t believe the other penguins just stand around doing virtually nothing. I guess a few of them got their phones out and started filming, but that doesn’t really do anything about the immediate problem. It’s really sad, a sign that our society is going down the drain.

I hope the penguin pussy was worth the ass beating he got. Now he’s just stuck with that penguin hoe, and in 3 years he’ll be wondering if she’s gonna do the same thing to him. Mark my words!

Sounds like a serial killer in the making.

As a penis haver, if I’m in the shower and need a quick testicular release, that bar of soap is far too complicated. Instead I reach for conditioner and proceed to rough up the suspect. Conditioner stays slick and it makes my penis smell nice afterward, and my wife won’t ask why there’s a fucking hole in a goddamned…

WOWWIE. Congrats Cubs fans. THAT WAS ONE HELL OF A GAME 7!!! Also- Theo Epstein broke the Red Sox curse in ‘04 AND the Cubs curse. Holy shit. One of the best executives the game’s ever seen.

you won’t get your grades either...

Also, assuming this happened on campus, college parking enforcement is universally like the Gestapo and is a massive source of revenue, often with bullshit practices like issuing more passes than actual available spaces. I know when I went to Virginia Tech, they were hauling in $2.1 million per year in ticket revenue.

At the Warriors’ Halloween party, Steph Curry simply ate 73 cookies and wept.

As a Quality Control Coach, this poor woman has seen very little quality football the past 12 years.