Dude if you are going to take pics of your car to sell it, give it a vacuuming before.

If only they were delicious.

Keys are great and all, but there did come a time when i could start my jeep with a butter knife because the mechanism had worn down from use.

If the owner contacts you again, tell them you are willing to give the restaurant another try but you are not willing pay for another meal you won’t enjoy. Ask for a voucher for a comp meal. 

I don’t want to tap my phone against my door handle you morons.

To be honest you can fall asleep behind the wheel of a car from the 90's just as easy, you just have a greater chance of it ending very badly.

People,

Just don’t do what Duffy’s does. there is literally nowhere to look where there isn’t a screen. I have eaten there a few times and for the life of me i can’t remember what i ordered. Not to mention that everyone at the table was watching something different so we didn’t even have that shared experience. https://www.goo…

It’s Colorado, he just found some really strong weed. It’s legal there.

Perhaps listening to the audiobook version of Good Night Moon was a poor choice for the drive home.

Why wouldn’t you just pull in front of the guy and slow down to a stop and leave him there sleeping in the middle of the road?

Beverly Hills, dude you have to go topless:

Yes, let’s all take a minute from our mundane jobs to try to tell a professional comedian how to be funny. 

What’s your recourse?

HOV3+, buses, and trucks only!

Hey Salty, I need to get the plates out of the way so i can use my phone!

Next time add Paul Newman’s frozen pizza to the list. They are best by far.

How are the crash physics and damage modeling?

guts & tires.

i hated them. then again i hate any robot with functional lips.