The Secret Service took him furniture shopping earlier in the day.

Nobody cares anymore. Podcasts and documentaries don’t get VC money.

The end? He has a $20 million contract with HBO. He has enough investors that The Ringer has a staff of somewhere around 50. He made millions at ESPN. His podcast network is extremely popular and likely bringing in good money.

Bill Simmons’ life makes Alanis Morissette vomit in terror.

It’s ironic that one of his most often trotted out “theories” (note to Bill: most of us just call these opinions) is about athletes/actors/musicians having too much success too soon.

Bill Simmons never evolved a day past his 25th birthday. He didn’t have to. Nobody has to when they achieve that level of success that soon.

Calm down bud. Everything’s going to turn out okay.

Sheesh, did a homeless man shit in your cereal this morning?

I don’t think it sucks exactly I just think:

Anyone else kind of think that the failure of this show and the general mediocrity of the Ringer kind of shows that the common narrative coming out of the death of Grantland, that Simmons was a really great cultivator of writers/content even if he wasn’t the greatest writer/interviewer himself, has kind of been…

Did that homeless woman have anything to say about the Seahawks secondary?

That was the biggest problem. There was nothing compelling me to watch the show. In fact, I’d prefer to listen to it.

Take a victory lap, you earned it

nailed it

Simmons has always been terrible on TV; he really should’ve realized that by now.

Time to be like Dr. Dre and focus on production instead of performance.

But how? It had all the appeal of a podcast, with even more limitations on how and when you could consume it!

I downloaded a random episode of the ringer podcast this fall just to see if his NFL takes were still bad. It’s half an hour of him star fucking Kimmel via “Cousin Sal” and proclaiming “I just don’t think he’s good at football” about random mid-level players. I regret not taking out my headphones to listen to the…

At least he will have a new pop culture reference to describe a terrible team.

REKT

What does it say about you when the network that keeps renewing Ballers doesn’t want your sports takes?