Besides the fact you lose all credibility when you break out the “Murrica ... hyuk yuk” crack ... are you fucking kidding me?

The part about war, rebellion, terrorism, etc., doesn’t seem that out of place in our modern world, sadly. It might even be a prudent move on the part of Aston Martin if it’s a global warranty intended for all overseas markets. Saves them from a $100,000 warranty claim when the car is parked on the street in Israel or…

Once you go ‘Bacca, you can’t go backa.

It was college. Young and dumb 18-21-year-olds. Dude was a good guy, but that was not the finest hour of our friendship.

Lucky no one was sitting in the row behind them. They’d have gotten clobbered off the deflection and then, knowing our litigious society these days, the guy would have been a hero for saving the kid while simultaneously being sued for $10 million for redirecting the bat into someone else’s face.

Same here. As long as you’re not an obnoxious douche about it, 99 percent of people simply don’t give a shit. They might ask why you don’t drink, and you can choose to get into it or not, but either way most of them will shrug their shoulders, say “Cool, man,” and move on to something else 30 seconds later.

I don’t drink at all. Never have and never will (bad family history). When “Why aren’t you drinking?” guy — it’s usually a hanger-on or newcomer to a group; my friends have always respected my choice once they know how serious I am about it — tries to push the issue, I shoot him a death glare that can burn through…

The residents of Portland would reject it anyway, because the medicine wasn’t herbal, the bottled water didn’t come from a spring, and the MREs weren’t organic.

Applebee’s gets a bad rap. The one nearest to me, at least, is basically a sports bar. Good burgers and appetizers (the brew pub pretzels with the cheese and mustard dips are tremendous) at reasonable prices, and there’s TVs everywhere with sports on.

No doubt that’s the case. Activists have also been doing it to Trump for months. Trump takes it way too far in the way he has them dealt with at his rallies, but to his credit he does see them for what they are — people there to make a scene and nothing more.

See that capital “D” in front of her name? That’s how.

*Correction: an earlier version of this post referred to the man ushering away the young constituent as “a man who appears to be a Clinton campaign aide.” He is, in fact, Mark Dayton, the Governor of Minnesota. Jezebel regrets the error.

And then you probably end up trying to win Brittany’s love in a ski competition, before realizing your good friend Denise was the one you should have been with all along.

Think of how many teenage proposals there are. Teenage boys are fucking nuts. They’d marry anyone for a free blow job.

If Kaepernick goes to the Texans, will he announce it by retweeting himself?

You must be one of the die hards.

... among other places.

The only reason I ever watch cable news is for the election coverage. It’s not unreasonable to preempt lower rated programs for higher rated ones.

Kinda looks like Trump, doesn’t it?

Could be a clerical error or a processing fee of some sort. My state charges $1 extra if you mail in the check for your car tag vs. if you pay it in person. Since I live about three blocks from the courthouse, I always pay it in person and they give me the $1 back because I always forget to deduct it. Could be…