I worked for a notoriously high-calorie, large-portion casual dining chain that specialized in having an obscene selection of cheesecakes on their dessert menu. The location where I worked was notoriously busy. Super, super busy. It wasn’t uncommon to go on waits of 4+ hours over the holidays. If you had a large…

Do they have Friendships in this game? Jason doing the Crispin Glover dance from Final Chapter would be all sorts of awesomeness.

So many people wanting the sleeping bag fatality that they’re forgetting an even better one that would go just as well (if not better) in a fighting game — the “eyeball pop” from Friday the 13th Part 3.

I think I watched a few scenes from “Flesh Plumber” on YouPorn the other night.

What was Pacquaio supposed to say during hype week?

The fight is only going to last an hour, max, though, and more than likely that’s the worst hour for business because everyone is focused on the fight instead of getting drunk. Just getting them through the door, preferably a couple of hours early to find a spot and beat the crowd, is the goal.

“J&J Productions, this is Peggy.”

Roger Goodell would suspend him for 10 issues for that.

Superbitchery?

Considering how much they’re going to suck this season, it makes perfect sense they’d take on the look of a black hole.

The good news is, Kelly’s offseason maneuvering has made sure the Eagles will suck enough in 2015 that they’ll be able to pick whatever Oregon quarterback they want in the 2016 draft. So, you see, the plan is working.

Well, the last handler grabbed him by the jaw. The other handlers now call him “Stumpy”

I think people in Tijuana pay good money to see that sort of thing.

Tell you what. When hippos, snapping turtles, crocodiles, etc. al, develop opposable thumbs and the wherewithal to build human zoos, they can chuck as many watermelons at me to eat as they please and I’ll do my best to entertain them.

Never had pickled watermelon, but I’ve seen some recipes for grilling watermelon. Tried it once. It turned out OK. Probably would’ve been better with a better cook.

Well, if the girl was suitably impressed then OF COURSE he had a protruding bone. Duh!

Just please, for the love of God, make sure it’s a polar bear and not a black bear.

That turtle is another reason people who go hand grabbing (or “noodling” in some vernaculars — it’s reaching into a hole in the riverbank to catch catfish with your bare hands) are fucking insane morons.

“THIS ... IS ... MILWAUKEE!”

Four hall of famers taken in the first five picks of that draft, and the Packers managed to pick one of the biggest busts of all time. And yet it still worked out better for them than picking hall of famers did for the Lions, Chiefs or Falcons.