A friend of mine got SHITFACED at a Halloween party. The stressful part was me and her boyfriend wrestling with her in the parking lot to keep her from driving home. So, a vampire and a hooker were throwing down with an very drunk, violent angel. It ended with her breaking her car key off in the ignition, pissing…

It wasn’t only the metal and hard rock acts that caught the ire of the Satanic Panic. I distinctly remember Pat Robertson (or was it Kenneth Copeland? One of those televangelist assholes) having someone on his show who played a supposed backwards recording of Madonna’s “Justify My Love” to show the demonic subliminal…

Yeah, my experience COMPLETELY turned me off of religion - organized or not. 

My mother was all-in during the Satanic Panic of the mid-80s. She was a stay at home mom who had Trinity Broadcasting Network going all day. And she blindly followed whatever those televangelists were spouting.

Justin Guarini. He didn’t win. He was runner up to Kelly Clarkson.

I shit my pants while on a date.

I host webinars regularly. I make the presenters send me their presentations ahead of time and I keep control of everything in GoToWebinar precisely because of people like anime-porn-guy. I don’t trust that even professional people aren’t weirdos.

Yeah there were a couple of scenes where Miyagi tested Daniel’s wax-on-wax-off and paint-the-fence practice. I mean, it’s a movie so obviously not every moment in the time arc was captured and maybe there were some hard core sparring sessions?

Black belt in Taekwondo and former practitioner of other styles of martial arts to include Aikido and Krav Maga here.

I would have noped out after the first midnight volleyball mandate.

I dunno. I live in the suburbs of a purply-blue state and trump signs are everywhere.  My job requires me to drive all over town and I am just not seeing Biden signs.

This concerns me as well. My state went for Clinton by over 10 points in 2016. She was consistently polling waaaay ahead.

Like my neighbor who wears pajama pants, a too-short cookie monster t-shirt that shows his beer belly, and crocs every day?

There are those who wear masks while driving (apparently to avoid face-touching?) and then there are those who wear masks below their nose. Your nose is the portal of exit and entry for nastiness you fucking dinguses. Cover your nose.

A million years ago in college I was hooking up with a dude. The pants came off and he had a giant cartoony tat on his ass of a dancing watermelon smoking a joint. Best terrible tattoo I’ve ever seen.

This.

I used to do crossfit (I know, I know, I know). Since the gyms closed in March I haven’t been back and I probably won’t go back.

Oh total trash. This was in south Alabama and I was living in a trailer at the time.

Waffle House.

I like your parents' style.