Yes. My dog likes to rest her head on the edge of the bed and watch us. It makes me uncomfortable so we have to shut her out of the room.

How about "Your pet is a total creeper dog that shows up at the most awkward times and makes uncomfortable eye contact with you during coitus".

this inspired me to prank my Facebook friends so hard

Word. This is basically me IRL

A teacher friend of mine found this adorable prank in the teacher's lounge today:

My friend took a mini Lindt chocolate bunny and filled it with mustard before giving it to her boss. The best pranks are the harmless ones.

"who believes — literally — that America is controlled by a vast, shadowy cabal of glittery and terrifying homosexuals. "

You have an excellent point. Passing legislature that keeps people stuck in poverty, uneducated and without choice is the prefect population to pay sub-human wages for huge amounts of work. Not going to make a massive profit margin without this population honestly. Once slavery was outlawed, it became important to…

He was a virgin until 29 when he had sex with his wife.

Don't worry tho, I give it a few months before we find out he's cheating on his wife.

This is so bizzare to me. I grew up in Maryland, we had sex ed in 5th grade (just the basics of sexual anatomy and puberty), then again in 7th (details about pregnancy, STIs, HIV ) and again in 9th grade (super detailed info about various contraception and again about STIs and HIV). I had no idea it was so "radical"…

Yannow, he only said that because he married the only woman who was willing to have sex with him.

"I broke that man. I farted on him, he broke."

I've worked in two restaurants. Both:

At the place I work now, they only have bussers and dish people on about 2 days/week. If your manager is feeling chippy, you might be sentenced to an hour in the dish pit after your shift. For $2.83, of course.

I love this new feature! I can't wait to read future installments!

Hey, what about Constance Wu? Chinese ancestry, the right-ish age, gaining popularity, employed by ABC which is sort of, kind of already Disney. ( in a wholly owned subsidiary sort of way)

So. . . Every time a story is told, it forces you to relive your childhood?

I will put $20 on the live Mulan remake not actually starring a Chinese person.