He tried, but he cannot fucking throw the strawberry and catch the strawberry at the same time!

Maybe Jordan can get Tom to star one in his next “watch an adult eat for the first time” video...

I couldn’t figure out why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger....then it hit me.

Okay, Pence, tell me what is not “deplorable” about these two

That’s not how to get to first base with a girl.

It’s good to see Puig knock something out.

“Moo! Almond milk is udderly ridiculous!”

No, he’s going to veto a bill that would open up the US to all kinds of foreign lawsuits.

Whose hailing this as a triumph? By Colorado law Cinemark had the right to recoup costs in a litigation case that the plantiffs lost. They didn’t want to keep having to pay for appeals and agreed to not pursue the claim if the plaintiffs agreed to no further appeals. Oh as for ‘next time we might not be so generous so…

There was no one else to sue. And some really shitty lawyers convinced them they could win.

As unpopular as we might be, I also hate the idea of a place being held responsible for an outsider’s actions. Now, if Holmes was an employee there and had a history of threatening customers, sure, sue to your heart’s content.

Defendants’ goal has always been to resolve this matter fully and completely without an award of costs of any kind to any party

This is the outcome I was expecting to come from this. Honestly I think it’s the right one. I feel for the families of the victims and the survivors. That said the idea that the theater should be liable for the actions of a rouge gun wielding maniac is a stretch. Cinemark had to know that they were getting killed in…

Uh, HaMilton, we’re gonna need to go ahead and move you downstairs into Storage B.

Payton: I know you’ve been hearing a lot of rumors about you being cut, but just know that we can’t afford to release you.

Spiller’s contract now heads to the expensive graveyard of botched Saints moves

Taking “Junior” to the hospital is a totally valid use of a sick day under basically every rule out there. What the fuck.

She is the one who has been pushing for it so hard: ‘Daddy, daddy we have to do this.’ She’s very smart, and she’s right,” he said earlier Tuesday while in Iowa.

She's right, it's literally unbelievable.