In short, this is an adventure in Ross Douthat’s apocalypse of sexually liberated women and laws designed to harm families, but with a happy ending only he could write. Imagine if God met the man at Yale, but then took him to Hot Topic.

But at any point does Deadshot tell someone to stop e-mailing his wife?
That’s the real question.

Congratulations to the Cardinals for turning two double plays.

Ironically, you’re the 500th person to make that “joke”

Someday, I’ll get sick of this feature. Today is not that day.

Please please please please please tell me that at the end of the season you’re going to compile all the twitter responses to these posts from Cardinals fans and make one big article with them. That would be glorious.

Heck, if you had the time and budget you could even break it down by games so that we could see the…

I was riding on a train with some Cardinals fans last night. I give them a lot of credit for having John Rocker’s entire Sports Illustrated interview memorized.

Mainstream sports media generally favors Boston/New England sports teams.

Not right before the 45-loss-spike that seems to be imminent.

Art isn’t easy

No.

The runner up prize was a date with Chesterfield striker Ched Evans. No one wanted it either, but I hear the club forced it upon some poor fan anyway.

Deadspin’s editorial positions here are that a guy going to prison for four years over this is ridiculous and that the Cardinals should be banned from baseball forever and tossed into space.

Does this also count as a Cardinals loss?

It is cool and good that Buzz Williams is an employee of DA SHARE ZONE

Yes

If young metro don't pay you I'm gone shoot em

Never.