I don’t think it was appropriate for the judge to instruct the jury to “hold him to the highest Michigan State Spartans standards”.

Jeremy Giambi was safe. 

Nope, Bill Cosby is very real.

Bill Cosby

Shit, yes, you’re right. That’s what I meant. 

Jeter was out. 

Ahh...Red Wings and Islanders legend Steve Thomas...you are a man of excellent taste.

The only thing that matters with this situation is if it somehow fucks up the Leafs. Overpay him and get stuck in salary cap hell? Great! Don’t pay him and watch him walk or play in Europe? Awesome! Even better if he’s a great player for the Isles!

One of my favorite parts of recent Deadcasts has been the ad for Avengers: Endgame, as if every single listener hadn’t already seen the movie already in the theaters. This is the web equivalent of selling ice to Inuits. 

A few years ago one of my cousins married a girl from Nashville. The night before the wedding - after driving around past old plantations all day - we go out for drinks on Broadway, and my only takeaway was that the women there were a perfect analogy to the city, the south, and frankly, the entire country: blonde…

That’s amazing! So, so good!

Or “you’re making children cry.”

Do you hear the people sing? Singing a song of 6 and 10. That is your ceiling, you forgotten, burning river town in Hell. When the beating from the Jets sets up a beating by the Rams, there’s no light at the end of the tunnel when the Ravens come.

I swear I’ll turn off my ad blocker if that will bring in enough revenue to hire Dr. Stoll as a full-time staff member at Deadspin. These videos are neck-and-neck with McKenna story time as the most charming things on this site.

Jokes are always funnier when you have to explain them.

Weird, someone in the office is chopping onions right now. I’ll have to close my door for a few minutes then ask them to stop.

Hive mind of people who reply to Laura Wagner’s tweets of her articles on Barstool with gifs of Dave Portnoy.

The pitcher, acquired by the Mets on Sunday in a shock trade with Toronto, tweeted out an old photo of himself as a small child wearing a Mets jacket, saying “some things were meant to be.”

I played Appetite for my 4 year old son on the way to t-ball and now on the way to every game he asks me to play Welcome to the Jungle. He’s not a huge fan of It’s So Easy so he’ll ask me to switch to the Black Album (ok on Sandman, but loves Sad But True). On the way home he likes Raffi. 

For what it’s worth, my wife woke up early to eat (she always does before minor fasts), and still had as hard a time with our little shi…I mean, wonderful children, as I did.